Rx For Parenting Today

Children and Stress

I see and hear about more and more children being put under stress these days. Many parents insist their children get excellent grades, excel in everything they undertake  and always look their best. Even many small children show signs of stress. Some teachers also push children too far. The idea of giving a child in second grade homework is ridiculous. 

Childhood should be a time to have fun, learn how to get along with others and just "be". Sitting outside and looking at the clouds or enjoying nature should be something they are allowed to do without a parent or caretaker pushing them to be busy. Reading and writing should also be fun, not a chore. Many children are put on drugs to help them, "focus". I had the parent of a teenager insist I write a prescription for some medication so her son could be more "focused" and get better grades. All the youth really wanted to do was tinker with an old car after school. I refused to write the prescription, so the mother found a doctor friend who did. I was glad I did not see that mother again!

If a child is truly having a problem focusing or sitting still, a good physical examination, a blood count, thyroid panel and a urinalysis should be done. A ten minute office visit with an M.D. is not adequate to discover any real problems. If that is what the doctor does, it  is time to find  a doctor who listens, takes a good history and does a good examination. Old fashioned medicine still pays off royally.

 

 

Holiday Parenting

Now that the holidays are  almost here, it can be a frantic time for parents. Rather than getting caught up in having the perfect turkey or holiday party, it can also be a time for reflection. With some many recent tragedies in the world, I think we have to be grateful we can still have some special family times on holidays. Children will long remember yearly traditions rather than the food that was eaten or the toys they received. If you don't have any holiday traditions, this might be the year to start them. They can be as simple as going to a annual holiday event, baking a special dish or treat or singing Christmas carols around the piano, as I did with my children. 

One of the things I have always stressed during this busy season is to be sure you don't get too busy to be sure your children are safe. Lighted candles, holiday plants, such as holly and  mistletoe, and even Christmas trees can be a hazard. If you have an active toddler or a child with developmental delay or on the autism spectrum, you want to be particularly careful. I remember one woman suggested putting the Christmas tree into a playpen if you were not sure a child could or would not pull it over! I remember one Christmas when my active two year-old boy pulled all the name tags from the presents under the tree and proudly handed them to me.  My mother-in-law was not happy I could not thank her for their special gifts!

One way to be sure little children are safe, if you have a big holiday party, is to hire a teenager or someone to watch the children. If you have a child with autism who likes to escape, this can be a way to be sure he or she is safe. Thanking ahead about any possible problems and solutions can make it a more fun time for everyone. Happy Holidays!

College Students Killed in the Latest Mass Shooting

My  heart goes out to the parents and families who lost a child in the latest mass shooting.  College should be a time  to have fun and learn who you are and what you want to do in life. Instead, we have just had our latest mass shooting that killed at last count 11 college kids. There have been 307 mass shootings this year and we are a nation that has more guns than people. The latest count is there are 393,347.000 guns in the U.S.  Of course there are many guns that are not licensed. 

The U.S. has 46% of the firearms in the world. It is important to note that despite Trump's claim that we will be murdered by the immigrants trying to come from Central America that the last three mass shooters were white U.S. males. The statistics are that 36,000 people die by gun violence in the U.S. each year. What is wrong with Trump and his Republican base that they won't allow anything to be done about gun violence? Hopefully,when the Democrats take over the  House of Representatives in January some legislation  will be passed to do something about gun violence in the U.S. Of course Trump pushed by the NRA will try to veto it, I am sure. If Trump had ever had to care for a child dying from a gun shot as I have, he might see guns differently. The power of the NRA is amazing. I  have no problems with guns being used for hunting. My father was raised on a farm and hunting was a way of life. However, he would have certainly wanted to keep guns out of the hands of people with mental illness or those filled with anger looking for revenge. 

Top Silicon Executives and Their Wives are Concerned about iPhones for Children

I saw a small child in a grocery store the other day absorbed with his iPhone. The mother didn't seem to be bothered by his deep concentration with the  iPhone.  If she had read a recent article in the New York Times  by Nellie Bowles, she might have had a second thought.  The author quotes the wife of a Silicon Valley executive who said " If my kids do get it at all (screen time),  they just want it more."  One family only allows  iPhones to be used on long car rides or a plane trip. 

Steve Jobs did not allow his children hardly any screen time. One executive did not allow her children to have cellphones until high school. She limits them at home and and bans  them in the car. It is good to see that these parents are making rules and sticking to them. I'm glad I didn't have to deal with cellphones either with my  children or grandchildren. My grandchildren were not allowed to have them at school and were not too interested in them until they needed them as adults. 

My only concern was for television. My rule was no TV during the week until Friday when the children could chose their favorite dinner and programs. Then we ate together in front of the TV.  I don't think my son even  has a working TV in his house. He and his father never watched sports, although he did play varsity football in high school for a year. I have never enjoyed watching sports on TV and was not raised with a father or brother who watched sports. Books and outside activities were much more interesting. 

Parents and Teenagers

Recently a teenager told me she "didn't like to spend time with her parents." It hurt me to hear her say that since I knew how important the teen was to her mother and father.  As an only child she had never had chores, nor had to wait for anything. Money seemed always to be available to her, even though the parents were not wealthy and worked hard.  She had had one job, but quit after a few days. 

I spent some time thinking about my two children when they were teenagers. We had fun together and worked as a unit, even before I was divorced. Their father was a wonderful doctor but we rarely saw him. His patients loved him.

As kids are growing up, I believe they need to feel they are an important  part of the family. It does not take money to  have special times together. I remember  a mother of two disabled children tell me "We celebrate even the smallest things."  The children loved her deeply.

When parents try to be friends and not parents, I suspect their teenagers don't want  this to happen.They have friends their own age. Instead they want to feel safe, loved and that their parents are in control. They want and need limits. Becoming an adult takes time, though some teens never really grow up. As parents, we need to  help them learn the steps to becoming adults. To do this some time together is needed. We are their role models.  I worry about teens who feel they are already adults and don't need to spend time or listen to their parents. Life is not easy and if they don't learn how to handle difficult situations and make lasting friends, the years ahead may be extremely hard. I  have always valued the time I was able to spend with my two children. Even when they were in college  and working in other cities we kept a close connection. I have  many of their letters in my book Letters Home. 

 

Kidney Stones in Children

When I did a post recently about stomach aches in children, I should have added kidney stones to the list of things that can cause them. For some reason kidney stones are occurring more frequently in kids now than in the past. There has been a three to five-fold increase in the last 15 yeas according to the physician, Dr, John Foreman. For some reason teenage girls  have these more frequently than teenage boys. I wonder if it is their diets and poor eating habits?   It is interesting  that African-American kids have fewer kidney stones. The symptoms of  blood in the urine and abdominal pain may not be present in some children, so doctors might not consider kidney stones. Under the age of six, the stones may be associated with a urinary infection. I always checked a urine if I couldn't come up with an answer when a child was not feeling well. I also always had a urinalysis done whenever I did a complete physical examination. I find that is not happening as it should when  complete physical examinations are done. This is particularly true when a nurse practitioner does an exam in a store retail clinic. The American  Academy of Pediatrics is very opposed to these clinics. 

One thing physicians also may not remember or know is that kidney stones can be associated with metabolic disorders. These are an unusual group of diseases and little may  be taught about them in many medical schools. I had a good physician friend, Dr. Milan Blaskovics, who was an expert in the disorders and also one of  the co-authors of a textbook about them. I always called him if I needed help. He was also an extremely good practicing  pediatrician and it was a great loss when he died. 

Stomach Aches in Children

Children get stomach aches for many reasons. Some pediatricians, even prominent ones, emphasis that most are functional. I disagree with that. When school starts and a child is unhappy about going that does occurs. However, there are several medical reasons children have stomach aches and many can be helped. One of the first things to consider, particularly in a small one who likes to drink a lot of milk rather than eating regular food, is constipation. Constipation can be the primary cause of a stomach ache and often urinary infections are associated with the constipation. I always had a parent keep a three day record of everything a child ate and mail it or bring it to me. I saw some unbelievable records. 

Allergy can also be a cause of stomach aches. Eggs, fish citrus, chocolate, nuts, and milk are the primary causes of many food allergies. There may be a family history of allergy or a child may also  have eczema, asthma or hay fever. Migraine headaches can also be due to an allergy.  A pediatric allergist should be consulted if allergy is a consideration. 

Problems with the urinary system should be considered. Congenital abnormalities of the kidneys, bladder,or ureters are often not thought of.  A urinalysis and urine culture should be done and if necessary a MRI or CT scan. I have detected a lot of congenital abnormalities of the urinary system and also had a sibling with a hydronephrotic kidney that  had to be removed. 

An unhappy child or one with learning disabilities or other problems may use stomach aches as a way to get attention and also get out of different activities. 

Excessive Parenting

I learned a new parenting term yesterday when I had lunch with a young woman who  had been one of my pediatric patients. She said the new term for over-parenting is "Lawnmower parenting" .
 She defined this as parents who clear away any obstacles their children might encounter in their lives, so  the kids don't have to make choices or overcome any difficulties. In thinking about this I wonder how these children learn to handle problems, manage stress and grow up. Childhood should be fun and safe, but there may be unfriendly classmates, difficult teachers and parents who  have goals in mind for their children that have nothing to do with what the kids want. There are also parents who push their children relentlessly because they want them to get into Ivy League colleges and become doctors, lawyers or financial wizards.

I know parents who start their children as young as age two in educational  pre-schools. Starting school later, particularly for many boys has shown it causes less stress and the boys do better long-term. Girls are usually able to start school earlier. I don't understand why there is such a push to get children to read by age five or earlier and homework starts even in the first school years.This is hurting children. 

One of the major problems some Ivy League colleges are having is students committing suicide. If a student has not learned to handle  stress or devise ways to keep going despite problems, they may see suicide as the way out. A recent report showed that even five-year-olds are committing suicide. That is appalling. I think it is time for  parents and doctors to re-think parenting. Children should have fun, feel safe and  be given lots of time to play.  I don't see this happening.

Treating a Low Grade Fever in a Child

A father called me from out of state one day about his little girl. He was a single, divorced parent and was concerned about the child's persistent fever. I asked him what the pediatrician said and his reply startled me. He said the doctor told him just to give Tylenol and let him know if the fever persisted. The doctor had not examined the little girl and didn't suggest he do so. Neither did he want a urine or blood count done. I could not believe the doctor's response. I said that if the father was unable to get an appointment with the doctor that day I would call him. My call resulted in the child being seen. I also asked that a urinalysis was done. The little girl  had a urinary infection and fortunately responded well to antibiotics. Little girls are more prone to urinary infections than little boys. I told the father to be sure that a repeat urine culture was done when the antibiotics were finished. I also asked if the child was constipated and the father said that was an ongoing problem. We talked about the child's diet and the father promised to make some changes. I checked two weeks later and the father had not only changed pediatricians but said the constipation was under better control and he and his little girl were a lot happier. 

The low grade fever could have been several things including an ear infection and a beginning chest infection. I would have examined the child after a day or so of a low grade fever and then every two days if it persisted. I certainly would have ordered a urinalysis, urine culture and blood count. Children can become ill very quickly and six days of a low grade fever without being seen by a doctor is just very bad medical  practice 

Keeping Children Healthy During Winter Months

Now that the days are getting colder, it is  time to "winter-proof" your children if you live in a cold climate. I am often amazed at seeing even little babies in light clothing when I am wearing warm clothes. I was waiting for a prescription one day at a big grocery store. In front of me was a mother and a cute little boy, about a year old. It was a cold morning but the child was running around on the concrete floor with no shoes on his feet. He also was not warmly dressed. I overheard the mother saying she wanted to pick up  prescription for the little boy's cough and ear infection. I had to bite my tongue not to say something. What was she thinking? I saw another child walking outside on a cold day and he was barefoot. I said something about him not liking shoes and the mother said causally, "Oh, he's a California boy". I wasn't sure what that had to do with walking around on a cold day without shoes. 

I was sitting in my car some years ago waiting for a friend when a saw a mother and her child. It was raining and the mother didn't have an umbrella. Neither she or the child were dressed for a cold, raining day. I had my own pediatric practice  at that time and was not surprised when the mother and child came to see me the next day because he was coughing and had an ear infection. The mother had no idea I had seen her the previous day. 

In addition to be appropriately dressed for cold weather it it extremely important that each child's immunizations are  up to date. The recent statistics are alarming because fewer parents are getting their children immunized. Dr. Andrews Wakefield, who  reported the false studies about the connection with autism, seems to still be having an affect. He even had an appointment with Trump one day. If you have ever seen a child die or become seriously ill from a preventable disease like meningitis you would rush right out to your doctor's office with your child if the child was not immunized.