Rx For Parenting Today

Keeping Babies Safe from Falling.

Now that the days are so difficult parents have to be particularly careful to not let their stress keep them from being vigilant about the safely of their children.

I remember one patient I had where the mother laid a baby on a bed while she did something else. It did not occur to her that the child might roll over onto the floor. But that is what happened. The baby did O.K. but we all worried for several hours. Now it has been reported by the CDC that there are about 2.8 emergency room visits a year because of falls by infants when the doorbell rings or a parent or caretaker needs to use a bathroom or do something else. Also remember that babies should always sleep alone and on their backs. I shudder when a grandparent tells me that a grandchild sleeps with the parents. Do the parents have any idea how risky that can be?  It is very tiring to care for infants  or little children, but a single mistake can  have a life-long effect.

With this awful pandemic, I worry about  all the babies being born and wonder if they will survive their parents' stress level. This is a particular problem if there are other children in the family and they have either not been  immunized or not yet able to go to school. I am certainly thankful that my children and grandchildren are adults. It is very important that parents find ways to take time off, have a little fun and relaxation. Parenting is  hard work and it never over, but the rewards are immense.

Children and the Pandemic

Children are becoming ill and far too many (450) are dying from the virus. Are they being exposed by family members, friends or teachers? Now 29% of the Covid cases are children. I do not understand how any adult could be so SELFISH as to say they will not get the vaccine. Tucker Carlson and his counterparts are certainly responsible for much misinformation. It is hard to believe that Tucker Carlson grew up in the same  small community where I now live and went to Country Day where my children went. Does he just care about the money he makes and the power he has? That is selfish and completely wrong. Of course, he and his family have had the vaccine. 

I am so very glad that I don't have school-age children. No, I would not send a child to school unless I could be assured that every adult and all the children age 12 and up had been vaccinated. If I were a school board member or a Principal or in charge of several schools I would mandate that everyone be vaccinated. That should not be a choice. I wish pediatricians and family doctors would be more out-spoken about the need for everyone to be vaccinated. I have not seen that. Nor have I seen anything from the AMA or other large medical groups about the importance of vaccinations.  

 

Hospitalizations for Children

As more and more children are being admitted to hospitals for the Covid 19 virus, parents and relatives need to be very sure  a child is getting the best possible care. This is a difficult time with doctors and nurses and other personnel tired and being pushed hard to care for all the patients. I do not understand why any adult would not have the vaccine. That is selfish and can cause a relative, friend or child to die. 

If I had a child admitted to a hospital I would want a parent or relative to be by the child's bed at all times. There is a lot that can go wrong and a child will be frightened and lonely. I am not sure a special, much loved stuffed animal will be allowed, but I would ask. There may be restrictions about parents not being allowed to be near a child, but if they have been vaccinated and wear a mask they should be allowed to be by their child's bedside. Parents and relatives can take shifts, so there is always a familiar face for a child to see. It is also important that parents take care of themselves during these difficult times, particularly if  a child is hospitalized.

In general you would want the child's doctor to talk to you each day, but these are difficult times, so I am not sure that will always be possible. It is important to get to know the nursing staff and call them by name. They work hard and a good nurse is worth his or her weight in gold. 

Checking that your insurance covers the hospitalization is important and after a child is hopefully discharged, you need to check the bill very carefully. Lots of mistakes can be made.

 

Choosing Health Care

I am always amazed at how even people with advanced degrees don't seem to be able to find good health care and settle for care that is not only bad, but could be dangerous. When children are involved that is even a greater concern. The man who was instrumental in starting the concept of HMOs finally admitted  it was a very bad idea when he himself had care from an HMO.

A friend asked me to check on a doctor she was to see for severe back pain. Not only had he gone to a poor medical school, but he was not even an orthopedist with training in back problems. Before I would see any doctor whether it is for yourself, a family member, or a child, I would look on the Internet and check his or her training, how long the doctor had been in practice, comments about the doctor and if he or she has been in practice for more than a few years.  You also want to be sure the doctor is board-certified in his or her particular specialty.  I am sure there are good young doctors, but I would only go to a doctor who has been practicing for a while and also has had good training. 

If you decide to use an HMO, be aware that there are many restrictions, Also, they use many nurse practitioners who do not have MDs supervising them. They may also have restrictions on what specialists can be seen, conditions that are excluded and  out of state emergencies not covered.

Before you sign anything, read the fine print very carefully. It could save your life or that of a family member. 

 

The Possible Tragic Effects of the New Texas Law

If the new Texas law is allowed to stand, I fear there will be terrible consequences. If teenagers and women can not get abortions, the number of foster, abandoned, and abused children will increase greatly. I don't think people understand that when a woman or teenager is raped and cannot get an abortion, they will try every possible way to get rid of it. This could result in more children with disabilities. What if a woman cannot afford to raise another child or she has been deserted by the father of the child? I saw one mother who had a boy with Duchenne muscular dystrophy and knew she was a carrier of the gene. Her husband insisted she keep on having children, but once another boy was born with dystrophy, he left. Thus she had little money, two boys with this fatal disorder and sadly a doctor who had no idea of the best care for the youths. I spent a lot of time with her and was able to give the boys the care they needed, but it was a struggle for both of us. Children will be abandoned, abused and if they are put in the foster system, they are often used as servants or abused. 

I do not believe that any religion would want children to be abandoned, abused, or live lives that have little future. As a former Sunday school teacher I do not understand how people who base their dislike of abortions say this is because of their religion. That makes little sense to me. If you love children, as I do, you want them to have loving parents and homes. 

Parenting Teenagers

Teenagers who have compassion and interest in others are easy to parent and a real joy. I think parents have to be role models for kids to develop these characteristics. I was probably lucky because when I had my pediatric practice, my two teenagers got to know some of my patients with disabilities. They realized that life was not always fair. One boy in particular made a difference, I think. He was a large teenager and because he could get unruly and quite difficult, my nurse would give immunizations to him in the family car parked right outside my office. I'm not sure how Jennifer and Geoffrey knew about him or saw him but I know he made a big impression. They also went with me to the County hospital at Christmas-time and took gifts to some of the kids in beds there. That too, made an impression. My daughter started an agency, when she was out of college, to find jobs for kids with disabilities and my son  became an M.D. 

If teenagers see parents interested just in bridge, golf, shopping or similar pursuits, how do they realize  that many of their peers and others may have serious problems, are poor, or have parents in trouble, maybe even in jail? There are lots of opportunities for parents to  teach their  children about real life, but if they are given a car at age 16, a credit card, and are never expected to do chores or look for a  ways to help others how do the children learn about real life?

Parenting Advice from an Unknown Source

I found  an excellent list of 21 pieces of advice with no author listed.  It was entitled "Memo from a Child." I will quote several because I often wonder where parents today are getting advice. One states "Please be firm with me. It makes me feel more secure."  Another says " Please keep you promises when you make them. Remember that I feel badly let down when they are broken."  "Try to be consistent.  It confuses me when you are not." "Don't forget how quickly I am growing up. It must be very difficult for you to keep up with me, but please try."

I wonder today if family doctors or pediatricians are doing more than just being sure a child is healthy, but never give parenting advice? I had monthly parenting classes when I had my private practice and I was often amazed at some of the questions. I still hear from many former parents and many kids. 

As parents, I am sure we all make or made mistakes, but today's parents seem to be afraid to say "No" and want to be friends, more than authority figures. A child wants and needs someone in control. It  makes them feel more secure. I  have had even little children say  "I wish my  parents would let me know what the rules are. Then I would know what I did wrong when they get angry or upset."

Early Signs of Possible Trouble in Kids

As the U.S. has more and more shootings and gun deaths, many could be prevented if we helped kids in trouble early on. A good example is the Sandy Hook shooter. His mother realized he had mental problems and was considering putting him in a  hospital for those with psychiatric problems. Despite this she kept available guns in the house and would take him to a rifle range. What was she thinking and where was the boy's doctor or pediatrician? One of the things we were taught at the old Stanford  Medical School was to identify kids in trouble and get help for them. I worked with two excellent psychiatrists when I was in pediatric practice and picked up several kids who were in trouble. Sadly now, I doubt that many medical schools teach their students the things we learned because medicine has become so much about making money. Public schools formerly had nurses and even social workers on their staffs. Now more money seems to go to their athletic departments than to having professionals  like this on their staffs .Bullying and social media are responsible for a lot of problems with kids. If as a parent you suspect something is not right with a child, I would request a psychological assessment from the school and if the school will not do it I would talk to your child's doctor and ask for a referral to one or a child psychiatrist. Parents can prevent future terrible problems such as happened at Sandy Hook, Parkland, and other places. The right medication  and on-going psychiatric help can save a child and possibly others from  tragic outcomes. 

 

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Do Your Kids Have Chores?

I am finding that more and more kids these days have no chores or allowances and use their parents as ATM machines. I always asked about chores when I did a complete physical examination and was usually pleased at what I was told. Now  kids tell me they are not given chores or an allowance, but just get money as they request it. How are children going to learn about doing various jobs or the value of money if they expect to always be given what they ask for? Something has changed, as so many parents want to be friends and not parents. I think both boys and girls need learn how to cook, iron, clean, do jobs around the house and be able to take care of themselves. 

I do not support wiping out all student debts, because how many of the students in debt did anything to earn money for college? I know a former medical school professor who came from a very poor family and worked 40 hours a week all through medical school. I have always wondered how he did that. I worked summers and waited tables during my years at Stanford. That was hard because the affluent girls looked down on those of us who were waiting table. However the group of hashers, as we were called, turned out well unlike many of the students we had to wait on. 

If a child has a disability, there are usually jobs they can do. One teenager with cerebral palsy was severely disabled but he was a  great source for dates, telephone numbers and other information. It gave him an important role in the family. One favorite youth with Duchenne muscular dystrophy was required by his mother to do the same chores his brother did. He was a remarkable boy and never felt sorry for himself. He had many friends and always looked out for others.

I give lists of possible chores by age in each of my parenting books. I always kept a chore chart on the kitchen bulletin board where my two children checked off the chores they had completed, so they could be eligible for their allowances. 

Children with Covid 19 are filling U S. ICU Beds

I do not understand why governors in Florida, Texas, and Louisiana are giving out such wrong information about the Covid virus. Children in these and other states are paying the price with the 93 million unvaccinated people in the United States. I certainly hope the FDA will soon approve the vaccine for children under 12 years of age. Children are not only becoming ill but some are dying and others  are developing the long haul symptoms. With many schools planning to open, children are at put at great risk. I would not send a small child to school unless the staff were vaccinated and everyone wore masks. Children are our greatest treasure. I am so glad my children and grandchildren are adults and we are all vaccinated. 

I do not understand why a physician, such as Dr. Rand Paul, is speaking out against the vaccine and masks. Marjorie Taylor Green and other Trumpsters are also giving out terrible and destructive Covid information. How many more lives do they want to see lost or how many more people do they want to see become ill? I guess it is all about becoming well known and raising money.