Rx For Parenting Today

Mental Illness and Guns

I do not understand why a rich nation like the United States cannot do something about the terrible, ongoing violence that we have been and are having.  One of my worst memories as a Stanford medical student was having to care for a boy in the  ER at the big county hospital. He  had been shot by a playmate. The resident and two of us who were medical students did everything we could to save the child's life, but he died. I will never forget that day. Why any parent would buy a gun for an 18 year old, as just happened, is beyond my understanding. I think we must hold parents like that responsible. The  Buffalo shooter also had 2 other guns. It was reported that the school recognized the youth has major  problems and did some kind of an examination. In my experience with school administrators they do not like to spend the money to have  full  examinations done  by a qualified  psychologist. I have fought with several of these individuals and usually had to find  the money to pay for an examination with grant money.

One teacher told me  her principal said she could just refer three troubled students a year, for examinations. That is hard to believe.

Children on the Autism Spectrum

I was talking with an older couple recently and they told me of the terrible problems they had with their first child. Their pediatrician was of little help and  the couple  survived the first few years before she finally seemed to be a little more manageable. I am not sure they realize even now that she is autistic. They see little of her and she has pretty much  gone her own way. 

Sadly, I find that even though there now are a lot more  kids on the autism spectrum, most medical schools don't appear to offer their students help in making this diagnosis. I feel sad for parents who  know they have a child with problems, but don't where or know how to get help. A good child psychologist is often the place to start or an agency that care for kids on the spectrum. Some school districts insist on having a child tested and given a diagnosis, but others offer no help.  There are pediatricians who diagnose kids with autism but my experience is that this is rare. Parents who suspect their child has problems may have to go to several different doctors or agencies to get help.

Pregnant Teenagers

In watching the confirmation hears of Judge Jackson, I was impressed with what an outstanding job she did. In contrast, were people like Senator Marsha Blackburn. She made the statement that 63 million abortions had taken place because of Roe versus Wade. I wonder where she got those figures? I wonder also if she had any idea why those abortions were necessary? Did she understand or care that some were because the mothers or parents could not afford to feed or raise another child, teenagers who had been raped or become pregnant because no one had taught them about where babies came from?  As a pediatrician, I have talked to many high school classes about sex education and have been amazed at what little many girls knew about sex. Some children who are not wanted are given to foster parents to raise and many are abused or treated as servants. Some run away, some commit suicide. I have cared for many pregnant teenagers and know the toll it takes. Only one was not able to get an an abortion and that was because her mother wanted a baby to raise! I do not have a long-term follow-up on that family. I was appalled. Let us hope that Roe versus Wade is never overturned. It would be a disaster.

Babies with Special Needs

It is heartbreaking for parents and family members when an infant is born with a problem, such as spina bifida or cerebral palsy. I have been impressed with the strength that some parents have shown and been dismayed at some who did not want anything to do with a child with a disability. 

One of the first two things that needs to be done is find a physician who is caring and and willing to take on the task of caring for a baby with problems. The doctor who delivers the baby could  have a good suggestion or an agency taht cares for similar babies. Other parents who  have a special needs child can be helpful also.

The second thing that is MOST important is to connect with your state's agency  that handles children with disabilities. Most states can help financially. You can find the state agency on the Internet or a good social worker at the hospital should know this resource.  Even if you have good insurance, you may need some financial help because hospital bills can be very large.

Another work of advice is taht mothers in particular should not spend most of their time at the hospital but be sure they take time for themselves and their own needs. Caring for a baby with a disability can take a great deal out of a person and if a parent does not take care of themselves.

Birthday Celebrations

I know several people who never had a birthday celebration as a child.  One had two parents who were professionals,  another came from a poor family. Others came from middle-class families. Even poor families can  have a celebration without spending a lot of money. Just having  a cupcake and lighting a candle can make a difference.

I think a birthday should be a special day, so the individual knows the family was or is glad they were born. I realize that many pregnancies are not planned, but if you have a child, I firmly believe the parents deserve to give that child the best parenting possible. Yes, there are lots of ways to parent, but a child being abused or ignored is  unacceptable. I have seen far too much abuse and the children being ignored. Also when parents have a great deal of money a birthday celebration can turn into an opportunity for the  parents to show how much money they have. The birthday child can feel the celebration is really not for them but for their parents' friends. Money can do very bad things for parents or it can offer great opportunities. 

Does your Child's Doctor offer any Parenting Advice?

I remember taking my young second child to a pediatrician in Rochester, New York. He  was my usual pediatrician's partner because my doctor was ill or not able to be in the office. The man asked me a couple of questions, looked quickly at baby Geoffrey and that was that. He patted me on the back as said "You are doing a great job" and left the room.  It was snowing outside and I wondered why I had bothered to come. I will never forget that visit. When I  built my own office on starting my pediatric practice, I added a classroom to the back. It held about 30 people and there was always standing room only. I still hear from many of the parents and their children.  

A friend told me that when she goes to a doctor she types a list of questions and makes a copy. If a doctor does not answer the questions, she stands in front of the door and hands him or her the questions.  No parent should leave without having their questions answered. I must admit I am not seeing the quality of pediatrics  I saw formerly. Is making money so important that doctors have to push parents and kids out the door? That is unacceptable.

 

Does Your Child's Doctor do a Yearly Exam and a Urinalysis?

I have had far too many parents tell me that their children do not get a good yearly physical examination by their doctor and no urinalysis. I find that appalling. The urinary track is the site of the most congenital anomalies. I have found numerous problems because I always check a urine if I have questions about what is going on in a child's body. My sister had a large kidney tumor removed when she was a teenager. 

Many parents tell me that a child is often not undressed to his or her underpants and given a gown. How can a doctor find problems like a malignant skin lesion, scoliosis, or other things if a child is not undressed? You cannot hear a heart through a lot of clothes. I almost missed a beginning scoliosis on a beautiful little girl because she and long curly hair. If I had not lifted up her hair I would  have missed it.  The other thing that is seldom done is a TB skin test. I found two early  cases of TB in children because I always did a yearly TB skin test. It is simple and easy to do. Both children had nannies from poor countries and they were found to  have active tuberculosis.

Sandy Hook, Parkland and other School Shootings

There was an excellent article by the attorney Joyce Vance in the New York Times on 2/13/22 about school shootings. It is particularly relevant today when we  heard  the news that the Sandy Hook families of the murdered 20 children won their law suit against Remington gun makers.

Joyce Vance's article stated that parents need to be held accountable for school shootings by a child of theirs.  Adam Lanza used one of the guns in his home to kill the Sandy Hook children and six teachers. His mother knew that he was  very disturbed and yet would take him target shooting. He was said to be also autistic but I have never seen any evidence that  Adam received help for his mental problems. I am glad that Remington had  to pay for pushing  the selling of the AR15s, but what about Adam's' mother?  The parents of Ethan  Crumbley, who killed four classmates in Michigan, knew he had mental problems but also did not get help for him.  Neither did  the school authorities insist he receive help. So not only are the gun makers responsible for these killings. but  so too are  the school personnel and the parents.

Several teachers have told  they were instructed to  report only 3 or 4 problem children a year with problems. Some teachers defy this but are at risk of losing their jobs. So as parents, doctors, and concerned individuals we all must speak up about all the guns in circulation and  fight hard against  gun makers and the gun groups.

Children and Foreign Bodies

I was attending a bridal shower last week and one mother, who was older   brought her first child, a sweet two-year-old. The child was holding a small doll that was mostly plastic. The doll had tiny hands and I worried a hand could break off and end up in the child's mouth. I suggested the little girl needed a cloth doll instead of the one she was holding. I hope the mother took my advice. I told her that there was a museum in the  U.S. that shows foreign bodies that have been removed from children's bodies. I have an x-ray of a razor blade I had to have removed from a child's body when I was in practice. I had several other patients  who ingested foreign bodies and caustic substances. Children often put foreign objects in their mouths. Frequently surgery is needed. You can never be too careful with little children around foreign substances.

New mothers often do not realize the things that kids can get into and mothers with one or more children often get too busy to watch what their children are doing. 

Why Are Some Parents so against Vaccines and Masks?

It puzzles me why there is such an outcry about vaccines and masks from many parents. One of the last statistics I heard was that 226,000 kids were sick with the virus.  Some of these children will die or infect older family members or friends. I am often the only person I see wearing a mask when I go out and yet I have had two vaccines and a booster. We had some of the same resistance during the polio years, but it was not so bad that people were yelling at school board meetings and getting ugly on social media. Are we such a spoiled nation of people that we have lost the ability to listen to others and think we are the only ones with the right answers?  Have we lost our sense of community and concern about friends and neighbors?  I have lived in several different states and towns and have always had good neighbors and felt a sense of community. I do not feel that now in the small town where I live. It seems to be all about me, me, me and how much money a person has.

I support mandates for travel, shopping, eating out etc. During this holiday season, perhaps it would be a good time to think about how we treat our neighbors, people of different faiths and skin color.  It is so very difficult to see what is happening to many with black and brown skin or of a faith that is not like ours.  It also hurts me greatly that we have so many hungry, poor children in  our wealthy nation. We ca do better,