In many ways, it is easier to be a single parent because you can parent the way you want to. However, there are many disadvantages. It is so nice to have a partner to share the responsibility and the bills! Even though I was married for 17 years before I was divorced, I was essentially always a single parent; first as a Navy doctor's wife, then the wife of a doctor-in-training and finally the wife of a very successful and busy orthopedic surgeon. He loved his work and was a great doctor, but somehow his family took second place. I learned a lot about raising children on my own and probably the two most important things I learned were to give my two children lots of love, hugs, and firm limits. Both children knew that when I said "No" I meant "No". Many parents today, both single and not single, seem to find this difficult. Children want and need limits. Unless kids know the rules and the limits they can feel insecure and anxious.
Communicating with your children is so very important, but if you do all the talking and don't listen, then you will miss a lot. When my son was divorced and I helped raise his two children, I could not be the spoiling grandmother, as many grandparents want to be, but once again when I said "No", the two grandchildren knew I meant "No". After I was divorced, I wrote my second book, Single Solutions that Random House published because I saw so many single parents, both male and female desperate for advice. Whether someone is a single parent by choice or because of a death or divorce, children should be the top priority. I understand how hard it is to have the complete responsibility for children but by building a strong support system and reaching out to others for help when it is needed you can survive and your children will grow up to be secure, happy adults.
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