Rx For Parenting Today

Kids Who don't Learn to Enjoy Reading or Know How to Write by Hand

I was just talking to two girls, who are both only children, and asked what they did in the summertime. Both said they "Hung out with friends and didn't like to read books."  I know neither of their schools has made writing by hand a priority and I wonder what they will be like as adults. Will they ever pick up a book just to enjoy it or will their world just  be computers, smart phones, and other technologies? The girls were both amazed when I said I read books all summer when I was a child, because that and swimming were all we had to do. Sleepovers were not something that was done and many families were away on trips because many parents were teachers or professors, as was my father, and that was their time off. 

There have been several articles recently about the importance of having children learn to write by hand or cursive writing. Several studies have shown that writing by hand helps kids by making them "pay attention to written language." Studies have also shown that "cursive skills conferred advantages in both spelling and composing." I enjoy writing by hand and prefer that to using a computer. There is a great satisfaction in seeing your words come out on paper. Also, by taking notes, I found I could remember what a teacher was saying much better than if I didn't take notes. It has been shown that students who take notes on an computer versus those who take notes by hands don't do as well on tests. Writing by hand somehow imprints the facts on to the brain.  

Sadly, many school administrators don't know the facts and their pupils are not learning to write by hand. One superintendent said she just wanted the pupils to learn how to sign their names! I hope she does not last too long in her position.I think we are hurting children by exposing them to too much technology. I am not sure their brains can absorb all of the various gadgets. I think learning to enjoy books and great literature is very important and European countries are far ahead of us in this respect, as well as in many other areas of education.

Parenting Children who Are Unable to Entertain Themselves

When children are very small they usually want to play alone and not share their toys. Many as they get older don't seem to know how to entertain themselves, but constantly want to be with friends or be entertained. Learning how to enjoy time alone and have things to do is important for everyone. Great ideas, great writing, music, and art don't happen in a crowd. I wonder if parents are not hurting their children by feeling they have to constantly find friends for them to play with or schedule the kids for multiple lessons and activities. The children who are particularly at risk are those with ADHD or other problems where they constantly want to be in motion. This must be exhausting for both the parents and children.

I think some time alone is important for everyone. Always being surrounded by people or noise can take a lot out of a person. I love sitting by the ocean and watching the waves. I always get a feeling of peace and renewed energy. Perhaps people with a great deal of money who build enormous houses need to be constantly moving because many have every possible kind of toy. Many in the wealthy 1% have multiple houses, planes, cars and boats. I cannot imagine having to run from house to house or activity to activity. Social activities that happen several times weekly also give people no time to think, to dream, or to plan. Learning to enjoy a good book, beautiful music, or art may be something many children never learn to do if they have to be constantly moving or entertained. I think summertime is a good time to question how your children are spending their time. Are they constantly texting, calling friends, or watching TV or are they reading, playing music, doing art or just thinking? Also are you allowing this? I certainly hope so.

Summer Safety for Children with Special Needs

Summer is always a hard time for parents if their children are out of school and don't have a lot of planned activities. If a child has special needs, summers can be even more difficult. The statistics are that kids with and without disabilities account for 40% of summer visits to emergency rooms in the U.S.  If children are bored they can get into all kinds of things. Poison ingestions happen when a child is curious or just hungry and thirsty. Little children also put all kinds of things into their mouths and one of the worse items they can ingest are the small magnets now found in many different things. The magnets can eat through the lining of the feeding tube or esophagus and cause major problems, even death.

Children with autism have a real tendency to run away, so summertime is particularly hard on parents or caretakers, because the kids may be out of school and want to go exploring. It is wise to let the local police know that you have a child who may wander and be sure the child wears an identification bracelet. If you live near water or on vacation and near a pool or body of water this is an even greater concern. Someone should always be delegated to keep their eyes on a child with autism.  

Summer picnics are fun, but if there is an outdoor grill or other source of fire, burns can be very serious, particularly if a child has decreased sensation in their legs, as do children with spinal bifida and some other disabilities. Playground equipment in a park can be fun, but once again these can be a source of falls or if there are swings or high places to climb, a child with special needs can often find a way to get into trouble. 

The usual precautions about keeping medicines and poisonous substances out of reach are particularly important in the summer when children may have too much free time and be bored. Every child with and without disabilities or special needs needs careful watching in the summertime and I am sure all parents breathe a sigh of relief when school starts. I know I certainly did!

Helping Your Children Handle Stress

Stress in American families seems to be increasing year by year. As one woman said to me recently, " For many parents and children, life is all about money and high test scores."Talking and eating together at dinner-time without the TV,  cell phone, or radio on seems to be almost a thing of the past. No longer are there family meals, which are still important in many other countries, but parents and kids may be texting while eating or each person may be eating alone in a different room watching TV. The result of this is an increased level of stress, resulting in emotional, mental, and physical problems.  Play-time for children has been replaced by tutoring, competitive sports, and lessons in many different things to increase a child's chance to attend a prestigious college. 

I  have an article from 2005 where the reporter, Joseph Verrengia, discusses stress in families. He notes that a nine-year-old was riding in a car with his parents and was supposed to be working on math problems. Instead, he was playing with a new Yo-yo. His mother turned to him and said "Is that a good use of your time?" I think that single statement describes what many parents are doing to their children. Play is not felt to be necessary, but children are constantly being pushed to do more and more. The parents' expectations are often far beyond what their children are capable of handling. Dr. Bettie Youngs in her book, Stress in Children, describes how stress affects children and how it can be decreased. I'm not sure if the book is still available, but she has some very good ideas. Just listing what you expect your children to do on a daily or weekly basis should give you a good idea of how much they are being pushed and stressed. Is there time for fun, play, or just being? Great art or music and great ideas don't happen when a child is being pushed or stressed. Too many college students in prestigious colleges are committing suicide. Just this thought alone should prod parent to  think about their children's lives. Talking frequently with your children and giving them lots of hugs will pay off far more than pushing them to get A's and to excel in everything they do. 

A New Diagnosis for Children Who are Clumsy

The American Psychiatry Association (APA) has a diagnosis now for children who are delayed reaching their motor milestones and also have coordination difficulties. It is Developmental Coordination Disorder or DCD. They note that the problem occurs more in children born prematurely and those with ADHD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. Anxiety and depression can be associated the DCD, It is understandable how children can be anxious and depressed if they are unable to keep up with their peers in sports or everyday activities. It must be hard for these kids to  have good self-esteem when the activities of daily living are so difficult. 

Finding a doctor who has experience with DCD or even is aware of the diagnosis can be difficult. Many doctors will just say "Oh don't worry, he or she will outgrow the problems." Many parents have told me this has happened. I wonder how many pediatricians, neurologists, and family doctors have even heard of the diagnosis? A good occupational therapist or O.T. and a good physical therapist, P.T. can be very helpful to a child with DCD. Giving the best help will change their life and their self-esteem. 

Teaching Children About Money

Money now has such an so important role in U.S. business, politics and everyday life that many children in middle class and affluent families think it grows on trees. Gone are the days when kids felt a need to earn money with small jobs, baby sitting or as I did waiting table in high school and college. If I wanted money for my clothes for college then I had to earn it. My father was a college professor in a much sought after college, but in those days professors did not make the same salaries they do today. These days, parents seem to feel they have to give their children the best of everything: cell phones, computers, trendy clothes, and lessons in tennis, music, art,and karate to name a few. I wonder how many children actually have chores, savings accounts, credit cards or allowances based on the chores they have completed?  Some kids even have gold credit cards, I am told. How can they possibly know how to manage money when they become adults or are they just expecting to have a trust fund set up for them.

When I was a practicing pediatrician in an affluent small town, I cared for several children from extremely rich families. Money was always available to them and now as adults they don't understand why it no longer is there for them. Their lives have not been easy since their parents died and their trust funds depleted. Teaching children the value of money and the work it takes to earn it is an important task for all parents. Spoiling children and giving them everything they ask for is not a way to show your love for them. Instead, expecting them to help with daily family chores, limiting the amount of money and gifts they receive, and even expecting them to put some money in a savings account is a way to show your love. It will pay off greatly, I promise 

Medications and Obesity in Children and Teens

 

Now that more and more medications are being prescribed to children and teens, parents need to be very aware that one of the side effects of some of these medicines can be obesity. Parents tell me that few doctors talk to them about side effects when medicines are prescribed. Prescriptions are being given for Duchenne dystrophy, ADHD, autism, mental and emotional problems. If parents are aware that obesity can develop, then precautions can be taken. Not only can increased weight gain result, but with this can be increased blood pressure (hypertension) and Type 2 diabetes may also develop. When I had to put a patient with Duchenne dystrophy on prednisone, I gave very careful diet instructions. These included a low salt diet, no fast food, no soft drinks, and no snacks except for fruit.  I also suggested the parents buy a stationary bicycle, so that the youth could bicycle when he watched TV. I insisted on seeing the patients at least every two weeks to check blood pressure and weight gain. That way no patient got into trouble. Unfortunately, medications that are prescribed by psychiatrists and even nurse practitioners don't always have the same careful follow-up. Thus, parents have to take charge and be sure that their child on medications does not get into trouble and insist on plenty of follow-up, by the child's doctor.

I have seen patients who were put on steriods or prednisone and told to return in 4-6 months. A large weight gain resulted, as well as increased blood pressure. That is terrible medicine and no parent should accept this. Any time a medicine is prescribed to a child for any reason, I would question the doctor about any side-effects and also tell him or her if your child is taking any other medications since there can be harmful interactions.

Summer Safety Tips for Parents

I attended a graduation on Friday for a friend's child and it was an extremely hot day. We were in an outside amphitheater and I was concerned to see a mother with about a six-months-old baby at the end of my row of seats sitting in the hot sun. The mother had on a hat and sun glasses, but the cute little baby had on a sunsuit, but no hat. Her  head, face, arms and legs were completely exposed to the very hot sun. Fortunately, the graduation lasted just an hour, so I hope the mother and baby were headed to a cool place out of the sun.  The American Academy of Pediatrics, recommends that sunscreen not be used on babies six months and younger. Babies can get very bad sunburns and also get dehydrated. I live now in a small town  by the beach and I see babies exposed to the hot sun almost daily. The parents have on hats and sunglasses, but the little children do not. Then there are the little children who have on too many clothes and are crying because they are so hot. 

For older children, it is recommended that sunscreen be reapplied every two hours if the are sweating or have been in the water. Fluids are very important in hot weather and it should be water and not soft drinks.  Children do die every year from heat stroke. No child should ever be left alone in a hot car while the caretaker or parent runs an errand.

Water safely is something most parents are careful about, but there are parents who are much more interested in talking on their cell phones or reading a magazine instead of watching their children when they are in a pool. I have a great neighbor who said she was so glad when a family moved away. The parents were doctors and they would sit by the nearby pool and talk or read, while their small children were swimming. My neighbor always kept her eyes on the children and knew it would not make any difference if she said something to the parents. I was amazed.

Teenage Girls and Self-Esteem

Teenage girls are put under a lot of pressure these days by far too many parents and their peers. A teenage girl has to have a great deal of self-esteem to follow her own path and pursue her dreams. Dating, dieting, and dressing seem to be the major drives in the lives of many girls. So how can parents help girls develop the self-esteem they need to become who they want to be? If one or both parents give a daughter the unspoken or spoken message that she is unattractive, slow, or clumsy, life-long scars can result. I had one teenager as a patient whose father insisted on weighing her each morning. Yes, she developed anorexia and it was a fight to get the father to back off and give the girl the space and love she needed. It took a lot of counseling for the teen to develop some self-esteem and stand up to her father. Even a few harsh words of criticism can leave life-long scars. Every child needs a great deal of love and firm rules. Then they can feel safe and begin to develop into the person they want to be.

If a girl is shy or not athletic these can be problems. Finding the teen's special abilities and helping her develop them is the greatest gift parents can give a daughter. Perhaps the teen is good at art, music, drama, helping others or caring for children. Every girl has some special talent or gift that can be developed. Even teenage girls with a disability can be helped to develop their special abilities. I have seen remarkable things happen when parents looked at their daughters as special and worked with them to find out what they wanted to do, not what the parents wanted. Parents do not have the right to decide on a child's future. That is up to the child or teenager.