When Boys Sleep with Their Mothers

I am told that in some cultures little boys sleep with their mothers until they start school. I have found that, unfortunately, some mothers, after a divorce or death of a partner allow their sons to sleep with them. This creates all kinds of problems. If, for example, there are girls in the family what are they feeling? Also, separating a son from his mother as the years pass can be difficult. I had one mother whose entire life was her son and her church. Yes, he slept with her for many years. Then when he broke away from her and also found a girl friend, the mother was devastated. She came to my office in tears and wanted me to talk with her son. I convinced the woman that her son needed his independence and she should try and find some other ways to find warmth and companionship. The son also came to me and told me how difficult his mother was being. I advised some counseling but am afraid that never happened. The mother set herself up for problems early on and I was sad for her. 

I had a good friend who said after a divorce that she nearly froze to death without her husband's warmth, but she did not use her son to provide the warmth. Instead, she found other ways to fill that need, all healthy. Often after a divorce, mothers don't use their sons for warmth, but have a constant stream of men spending the night. This is very difficult for children, particularly if they are close to their father. I think parents need to put their children first and do what is best for them, not what is best for the parents. The damage that we can do as parents is often difficult to repair. Parenting needs to be unselfish; it is not a time to put a parent's needs above those of the children.  

Comments

[kacy]

This is really sad, this kind of attachment is very unhealthy.

[Kefa]

Thanks for this informative piece.
Its true that most cultures allow children (both boys and girls) sleep with their mothers to certain age but the story of this friend of yours is not a normal case. At what age did the boy get out? You have indicated that the boy left the mother for a girlfriend, it then means that their was a lot going on between him and the mother not normal sleeping only.