Rx For Parenting Today

Parenting by Apps

Now that families are often scattered far and wide, many parents don't have the comfort of grandparents or relatives close by to offer help and advice. Instead, many turn to the Internet or Apps to get parenting advice. Sadly, some of the advice is from people with little training and no parenting education or degrees.  Now pediatricians spent most of their time treating children with medical problems and often don't have the time to really know their patients or the families. I always found a single house call told me more than several office visits. The monthly parenting classes I held in my office classroom also gave me an opportunity to know what questions  parents had and the problems most distressing to them. To me one of the  greatest joys of being a practicing pediatrician was really knowing my patients and their parents. I still hear from patients I first saw as babies in the nursery. Now many are married and have children of their own.

The other change I have noticed is that parents don't read parenting books as they did in the past and bookstores now have markedly decreased the shelf space they give to parenting books. When my children were small, I was lucky to have Dr. Spock's book available. Later he wrote an endorsement for the back of my first book. That is a special memory and I was honored because he was a wise and caring man.

There is a great deal of misinformation on the Internet and I am wondering what false information is on the various Apps parents listen to? I think plain old commonsense is a parent's best guide, as well as establishing limits and being able to say "No" to their children. I find a lot of that is missing today.

 

Trump, Dr. Andrew Wakefield, and Immunizations

I was greatly concerned to read that Trump and Dr. Andrew Wakefield met recently in New York or Washington D.C. I am not sure how the meeting came about or who requested it. Dr. Wakefield now lives in Texas after leaving England in disgrace.  His article about the association of autism and immunizations was shown to be fraudulent and was retracted. However, he apparently has not given up his fraudulent claim that has been repeatedly proven to be false. Immunizations DO NOT cause autism. Two-thirds of the cases are genetic and the other cases are most likely mutations. It is now reported that the number of cases of communicable diseases in children are increasing significantly in Texas as parents  listen to Dr. Wakefied and don't have their children immunized. I do not understand how intelligent parents can allow a child to be ill with possible serious side effects with a communicable disease that can be prevented. At least in California, children are not allowed to attend school if they are not immunized, so other children are not exposed to measles, mumps, meningitis, chicken pox etc. How lucky we are to now have immunizations. My two children were born before most vaccines were available and I lost a lot of sleep and days at work worrying about them. Fortunately, polio vaccine was available for which I will always be grateful. I have watched too many children die or be crippled with polio and also spent a hard month as an interne putting patients in iron lungs when they were about to stop breathing. That was a terrifying experience.

Do Parents Still Give Their Children Chores To Do?

Many children, particularly in families with money, seem to be constantly on the go with multiple lessons and activities. Not only are they given no time to think or play, but are they expected to do any chores? I strongly believe doing chores gives a child a feeling of accomplishment and also helps them learn what I call the "Steps of Independence." Maybe they don't have to cook, sew, iron or do household chores as they are growing up, but what about when they live on their own? Not every child from an affluent family is  going to have everything done for them as an adult. It is a good feeling to know you can take care of your everyday needs without having to depend on someone else or needing the money to pay for help. 

Chores can be fun for children. One mother had a chore chart  she put stars on when a chore was completed. After a certain number of stars were earned then a special treat was offered. Some parents make earning money part of completing chores. Chores should be always age appropriate. Little children love to imitate their mothers or fathers if they have a little broom, dust mop, play cooking equipment etc. Every child should know how to set a table correctly, fix a sandwich as they get older and learn to cook simple things. One boy found he loved to cook so much that later he went to cooking school  and became a chef. One started a cleaning service as an adult that has been very successful. So having children do chores is an important task of parenting I believe. If children don't learn how to take care of themselves, they can be in big trouble as adults. 

Precautions When Flying with Small Children

In the last American Academy of Pediatrics newsletter, there was an excellent article about problems which can occur when parents fly with a small child.The primary concern was about children younger than two who sat on a parent's lap during a flight. The hope is that a law can be passed, so that children younger than two will be required to have some kind of restrain rather than just sitting on a parent's lap. The article mentioned that children are injured falling from a seat, receiving burns from hot drinks spilling on them and even getting head injuries or lacerations when they are not restrained. People often seem to be in such a hurry when traveling, so parents do have to be particularly careful with their children. I have had two heavy briefcases fall on my head when passengers tried to grab them and rush off of a plane. If I had been a small child, a serious head  injury could have been received. 

Of concern to me is something that was not mentioned in the article. I once answered a call for a doctor on a flight and found a small child turning blue and choking. She had been down on the floor at her mother's feet and found a peanut. The peanut got stuck in her throat and her airway was obstructed. Fortunately, I was able to dislodge it and the child was O.K. Little children are often seen wandering up and down the aisles on flights and are put at risk for all kinds of things. So I think parents have to be particularly careful when traveling with small children.

On-Line Charter Schools and At-Risk Kids

I listened a few days ago to a member of our local school board. He bragged about how wonderful the city schools were and their high graduation rate. What I discovered later was a report stating that the reason Los Angeles, San Diego, and probably other cities have high graduation rates is that they transfer the poorly performing students to on-line charter schools. That way if the teens drop out and don't graduate, the cities don't have to count them. One step-father told me that his two step-sons had been expelled from their high school and had to do their work online. They did their daily school work in three to four hours and spent the rest of the time playing video games or getting into trouble.

Of great concern is that many of these young people are kids with learning or other problems who need special help or therapy. If they don't have contact with school counselors, nurses or social workers, how does anyone know they are in trouble? Adam Lanza, the Sandy Hook killer,was home schooled, so no one apparently knew he was in grave trouble. It is well known that charter schools want only the brightest kids and certainly not those who with special needs.  Now that Betsy DeVos is the Secretary of Education and knows nothing about at-risk kids or special education what is going to happen? I am sure some charter schools do a good job, but it would not hard if they had students who were not at-risk, had strong parental support and money was not a problem. Many at-risk kids could be helped if they were identified early and given the help they need and deserve. 

Will Betsy DeVos Hurt Your Child's School?

Now that Betsy DeVos has been confirmed as Secretary of Education , many of us are terrified about what is ahead for children in public schools and even in private schools. Because Ms.Devos has no training in education and absolutely no knowledge about how public schools operate, what will happen? Children who have special needs, may be at the greatest risk. Ms DeVos has been very vocal about saying she wants schools to be on a voucher program. She favors Christian schools, where she and her children were educated. If public schools are closed how would children from inner city schools find schools that would accept them? It is well known that charter schools want the top performing students, so they can show that best results. A report by Kevin Carey last week showed that "voucher programs may actually harm many students by shunting them into low-quality private schools." He also noted that "three of the largest voucher programs, enrolling 180,000 children nationwide, showed negative results."  

      Of great concern is that Ms. DeVos did not know that special needs programs were governed by Federal, not state laws. I wonder if she knew what an IEP for special education students was all about and how important these are. (I have attended many for patients.)

She did not know why black colleges and universities were created. These were started to separate students because of racial bias, not to give the black students better schools. I think as parents and grandparents it is important to keep up to date about Ms. DeVos' plans, so our children and grandchildren do not suffer from her great lack of knowledge about educating students.