Rx For Parenting Today

Parenting a Newborn with a Disability

It has been hard to watch the  suffering of the baby, Charlie, in England and his parents. I hope they can now find some peace. Having cared for many babies and children with disabilities,  I have always tried to help the parents find ways to get through the days. It is particularly hard with a first baby when the dream of a perfect, beautiful child is gone. In e-mailing a friend who is a professor of muscle pathology at Great Ormond Street Hospital where Charlie was being cared for, she said one of the other doctors there was in charge of his care. In asking about his diagnosis of mitochondrial depletion, she said they are seeing more and more cases. This is a fairly new diagnosis.

My suggestions for  parents of babies and children with disabilities, particularly if the disorder has a short life-expectancy, is to go just one day at a time and sometimes just a few hours at a time. Also, the parents need to have a life outside of the hospital. Many parents, particularly mothers practically life in the nursery and everything else in their life falls apart. It is important to allow yourself to grieve. This can be done in short periods and then you need to think of or do something pleasant. Some relaxation tapes, music,or  a good book can all help. Also getting away from the hospital, some treats or a nice dinner out can make a great deal of difference. Asking relatives and friends for help can also make life more bearable. Joining a parent support group or finding a good counselor can also help the days go more quickly. 

When a Teenager is in Charge, not the Parents

A grandmother called me recently greatly distressed about her teenage granddaughter. The 16-year-old treated her home like a dormitory where she could come and go. She had no chores, was rude to her parents, as well as their friends. It was a second marriage, so the step-father was put in a difficult position.  He tried not to say anything, but once in a while the teenager became too much to take. For some reason,  the mother found it difficult to establish any rules or guidelines. Like many parents today, she wanted to be her child's  "friend", it seemed and not her parent.

All children, particularly teenagers need to know the rules. It makes them feel safe and that someone else is in control. It is hard to be in charge of a family if you are  just a teenager. I can remember looking at my mother and thinking " I wish she would act like a parent". She let my older sister get by with all kinds of things which left me to be the "good girl." That is not a comfortable feeling. I parented exactly the opposite of what my mother did. My father was a strong, quiet, background figure.  You knew exactly where you stood with him and he certainly taught me what was right and what was wrong. 

My suggestion to the grandmother was that at some point the mother might be forced to see a counselor with her daughter. That way some rules could be established and perhaps put in writing, as in a contract. Some daily chores would be a good idea and the word "No" used when it was needed. I hope this happens.

Update on Gun Injuries and Deaths in Children

An article in the last issue of Pediatrics from the American Academy of Pediatrics should make all lawmakers realize something needs to be done urgently. Sadly, I don't see this happening under the present administration unless parents start demanding  action. 

The results are given of a study by the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System. They report that almost 1300 children die each year from gun injuries and 5790 are treated for gunshot wounds. Suicides from guns increased between 2007 and 2014. Also, firearm deaths are higher in some of the Southern and Midwest states. With the tremendous power the NRA has over many of those in Congress, I am not sure how this trend can ever be changed.

I have no problem with people having guns for hunting. My father and my brother both  enjoyed occasional hunting. However, there was just no way I would have touched a gun when I was a child. Many parents have guns where children can reach them. They may be in unlocked cases or a child will know how to open a case. Some parents even buy their children a gun. Having watched a child die from a gunshot wound when I was a medical student, that terrifies me. A neighbor may also have guns in an unlocked case or in a place where a child can get them. I hope all parents have a conversation with their children about what to do if they see a gun in a neighbor's home. That conversation could save your child's life. 

Water Safety for Children

 As  our summers get hotter and hotter, being near a body of water, a swimming pool or the ocean can seem life saving for both parents and children. If it is all possible,  children should be given swimming lessons as soon as appropriate according to their age. I disagree with the idea of babies being taught to swim. That makes little sense to me. 

If you have a swimming pool or a neighbor has one, you want to be sure the pools are safely enclosed. Children can slip under fences, so they still  have to be watched. Pool covers can create problems. A little child can slip under the cover and not be noticed. I was always careful about having a pool anywhere near my children when they were small. I was never comfortable a babysitter would watch them as carefully as I would. 

Children who are out in the water in a boat should have on a life jacket. Yes, they may complain, but it could save their life. Diving into a pool can be a problem if the pool or baby of water is not as deep as the diver thinks. So have fun, but watch your children carefully. Please!

Fourth of July Safety for Kids

Fourth of July can be a fun day for families, but if also offers a lot of possibilities for preventable accidents. Emergency rooms are kept very busy on the fourth as kids find ways to get into all kinds of trouble. Most states have outlawed firecrackers and other dangerous fireworks. In Southern California, many people still go to Mexico to buy fireworks. They can be fun and beautiful, but if you have seen a child with part of his hand destroyed by a firecracker, eye injuries and other problems, as a parent you would be careful about letting your children near firecrackers. 

Water safety is also something to be careful about. Many parents take their children to the beach, a lake, or a swimming pool. Unless a parent or grandparent keeps a constant eye on children, these can offer problems. One family left their teenage son to watch after his younger brother, but the minute he was not watching, the little child drowned. The family went through a terrible time and the parents  finally divorced. I am not sure the teenager ever recovered. I have a community pool near me where my good older neighbors say they are the ones who often have to watch out for the little children because the parents are too busy reading or talking. I am always amazed when I hear accounts like this. So it is better to be over cautious on the fourth if you have children. Teens, too, can get into trouble if they are in a car with an inexperienced driver. Having a family barbecue or picnic is probably the best way to keep the teens out of trouble! They can invite their friends and as parents you know they are safe.