A grandmother called me recently greatly distressed about her teenage granddaughter. The 16-year-old treated her home like a dormitory where she could come and go. She had no chores, was rude to her parents, as well as their friends. It was a second marriage, so the step-father was put in a difficult position. He tried not to say anything, but once in a while the teenager became too much to take. For some reason, the mother found it difficult to establish any rules or guidelines. Like many parents today, she wanted to be her child's "friend", it seemed and not her parent.
All children, particularly teenagers need to know the rules. It makes them feel safe and that someone else is in control. It is hard to be in charge of a family if you are just a teenager. I can remember looking at my mother and thinking " I wish she would act like a parent". She let my older sister get by with all kinds of things which left me to be the "good girl." That is not a comfortable feeling. I parented exactly the opposite of what my mother did. My father was a strong, quiet, background figure. You knew exactly where you stood with him and he certainly taught me what was right and what was wrong.
My suggestion to the grandmother was that at some point the mother might be forced to see a counselor with her daughter. That way some rules could be established and perhaps put in writing, as in a contract. Some daily chores would be a good idea and the word "No" used when it was needed. I hope this happens.
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