Rx For Parenting Today

Holiday Safety Tips for Little Children

When families and friends get together for holiday celebrations, a problem can occur if little children are  present. When parents are taking care of guests, little children often find ways to escape through a side or open door. Children on the autism spectrum are particularly adept at slipping away. It is important that they  wear an identification bracelet and that neighbors are alerted this might occur. One way to be sure the children stay safe is to hire a responsible teenager to watch that no child slips away when you are entertaining.  Doors should be kept closed with door handles placed up high. Children can be quite ingenious in unlocking doors and windows. If there is a fishpond or swimming pool in the yard this makes things even  more dangerous. I know of two little children who ended up in fishponds and drowned. Swimming pools should be fenced not covered. With a cover a little child can slip underneath and not be noticed. I never would buy or rent a house with any kind of pool in the yard. I love to swim but pools are just too dangerous to  have if there are little children around.  

 Other things to think about are appetizers the children can get hold of that could cause choking. These would include raw vegetables, cubes of cheese and anything they could choke on. Keeping children out of a busy kitchen and away from a pot of hot coffee or boiling water is also important. Hard candies can be a great problem.  Cigarette stubs and glasses half filled with alcohol can be very tempting to kids. It is no fun having to treat a child with nicotine or alcohol poisoning and yes it can occur! So watchful eyes are important during any big family occasion. 

Why Don't U.S. Schools Help Troubled Students?

As the people in Austin, Texas were terrified by the newest  shooter, I wondered if it would be another lonely, troubled individual. Yes, it was. Mark Conditt, age 23, ws said to "grow up as a "quiet, socially awkward child". He was home schooled, so teachers and school personnel had little contact with him. There is something wrong about home schooling if no school personnel had any contact with the family. Even limited contact should have revealed this was a child who needed help. If he had been in school and started causing trouble, he  might have just been expelled. This seems to be the way many administrators get rid of troublesome students. 

This is so wrong and has led to several of the terrible gun tragedies that are occurring far too often. I have been keeping a record of these troubled kids. One of the shooters was Jeff Weise, age 16. He was held back in school, appeared to be lonely and depressed and and always seemed different. Does this sound familiar?   He killed his grandfather, the man's companion, five students, a security guard and himself. Was anything done to help him? Where were the counselors, a school psychologists, his teachers or the school principal? 

In 2013, Nemiah Gregriego, age 15, killed his parents and three siblings. He  was said to be bright, but troubled. He also was home schooled. Something is very wrong if kids like this can slip under the radar. But if schools don't do anything to help these troubled students, home schooling would not  have made a difference. I think we need stricter rules for parents who home school. Don't they realize when a child is in trouble? A lot of lives would be saved if parents, educators, and doctors looked more closely at troubled kids and  found help for them. We can and must do better before more lives are lost.

Children and Divorce

Children can suffer terribly if parents decide to get a divorce  and it becomes a time of great anger and stress. If instead, the parents realize how a much a divorce  could affect their children and try to make it as peaceful as possible, everyone gains. Parents  have asked me if it is better to stay in a bad marriage or go ahead with  a divorce. My answer  is always that a bad, turbulent marriage is very hard on children and a pleasant divorce is much better. Often when one or both parents are working hard and the children see little of them, a divorce may mean each parents has to or hopefully will spend some quality time with the children. 

I have had to be the expert witness in some ugly divorce cases and seen how the children  were badly traumatized. In two cases the fathers received full custody becasue the mothers had paid little attention to the children. Both fathers were excellent parents and put their  children's needs above their own. 

Some of the tips I always give divorced parents are: Don't try to buy your kids with gifts or money and don't be afraid to say "no". Children need and want consistent limits. It is difficult not to criticize the other parent, but this just hurts the children. Some family counseling may be needed if the children are acting out or having a hard time handling the divorce. Lots of talking and spending one-to-one time with each child is important  when you are a single, divorced parent. Try to keep a member of the other sex from spending the night as much as possible. This can be very hard on children. A constant turnover of partners is particularly hard on children.  Putting the children first pays off in a huge way.

Teenagers and the NRA

I am so impressed with the fight teenagers are putting up today in standing up to the NRA. They are certainly showing  up the weak Republican members of Congress and Mr. Trump. I hope they show the rest of the country that something great can be accomplished if people have the courage to fight evil. 

There is an excellent article in today's New York Times written by three teens from New Jersey. I am sure it can be found online and it is worth reading and saving. It gives me hope that with all the terrible gun tragedies, the weak members of Congress and Trump will be so embarrassed that something will get done. The article states that in November many of the teens will be old enough to vote. Yes, they plan to vote out the spineless members of the Republican party and also stand up to Trump. The article applauds the big companies like Hertz and Delta that are refusing to take the NRA credit cards. I wonder if actor Tom Selleck is still on the NRA board? I also wonder if he has children? How any parent could be on the NRA board is beyond my understanding. The parents and grandparents who have lost children to gun violence have tried hard to fight Congress and the NRA, but the voices and energy of the teenagers could make a major difference. I think we all should applaud these great kids.

Little Children and the Places They Put Foreign Objects

I was teaching medical students last week and urged them to always get a chest X-ray if they were puzzled about a diagnosis. I told them of a favorite three-year-old who was ill. She had seen another doctor who said he didn't hear anything in her chest, so she didn't  have pneumonia. Looking at her breathing I knew the child  had pneumonia and an immediate chest-X-ray proved this to be the case. I then told them about another child who was very croupy and had been seen by two or three doctors. The "croup" had lasted for a couple of months and was treated with antibiotics. The cough didn't sound like croup to me. My two children crouped every winter in Rochester, New York, so it was a cough I knew well. I told the parents I wanted to get a chest X-ray and specified that the neck be included. It was fortunate I did because the child had a safety pin in his trachea or windpipe. An excellent ENT doctor removed it that evening and the "croup" disappeared.

I have always been amazed at the places where children can put foreign objects, either in their body or in different orifices.  I have removed beads from the ear canal and the nose and a particular smelly piece of bread from up in a child's nose. Another child had a dead insect in his ear canal.  One child had a safety pin her vagina.   So if you see smelly pus coming from an orifice you might want to think about a foreign object.

How Children Learn Good Manners

Recently, I was reading a book written by an American woman married to a French man. They had been married for several years and seemed very happy. The main problem they had was how to raise their two children. They were living in Paris and  the American wife found a great difference in the way French and American couples raised their children. She felt having fun and being a relaxed parent were both important, whereas her husband felt children needed to learn good manners and how to get along with adults  and other children. In caring for countless children as a pediatrician, I agree with the father. I have seen far too many rude American children. Bullying is partly the result  of the way many children are raised. Teachers tell me that students are often rude to them. I find that unbelievable.  It would never have occurred to me to be rude to an adult or another child. My parents would have quickly heard about it and I can imagine what they would said to me.  Now teachers tell me that if they speak  sternly to a child, their principal will hear about it. 

Children need and want limits. They want their parents to be able to say "no" to them. Then  they feel secure knowing their parents are in charge. No child wants the anxious feeling of being in charge of a family. I can remember looking at my mother as a child wishing she would act more like a real parent. I think my pedaitric patients liked my being in charge. It made them feel comfortable to tell me all kinds of things. I still hear from children I took care of many years ago. So manners, including table manners, are important for all children to learn