I found an interesting book the other day entitled French Twist by Catherine Crawford. It was written five years ago but certainly applies to parenting today. The author had French friends, although she was living in New York City. When her one child was completely out of control, she turned to a French friend and asked her how she would handle the situation. The three-year-old was having a temper tantrum and the mother didn't know what to do. The French friend said, "I would just leave her alone." Of course, when the little girl got no response from her mother, the tantrum stopped. The author realized the tantrum was just to call attention to herself since her mother was focusing her attention on her friend. Children are very smart and usually know exactly how to gain attention. This can be as little children or as teenagers. Anorexia and bulimia can occur if a child is feeling unloved, being bullied etc.
As I read the book, I readied that I always parented the way the French do. I am told I had a French great-grandmother. Also, I always parented exactly the opposite of what my mother did. I felt as if I was the parent, not my mother. Children want and need parents to be in charge. It makes them feel safe and secure. They are not old enough to be in charge of a family.
When I gave parenting classes in my office, questions about how to handle things like temper tantrums and kids who were misbehaved were some of the most frequent ones I answered. I don't understand why many of today's parents want to be their children's friends, not their parents. Kids need to make their own friends and want their parents to be parents.
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