Rx For Parenting Today

Parenting Children of Affluence

It is hard work to be a parent but it can be  even harder if you live in a town where parenting is left to nannies or housekeepers. I was in pediatric practice in a town where many parents were extremely wealthy and was impressed with those who insisted their children have chores, did not have their own credit cards, and knew their parents were not ATM machines. I recently met a woman from an  affluent community who told me how hard it was to parent when many of the parents of her children's friends left the parenting to live-in help or let the children grow up without rules or much parental involvement. She had a friend who worked for a big law firm who said so many of the young women lawyers did not want to work more than a few hours a day and took time off when they pleased. The older partners did not know what to do with these young women. I told her that medical schools are encountering the same problems. Many of the young women medical students, interns, and residents don't understand why they can't take time off to have children and then they expect all kinds of adjustments to their schedules if they have children doing their training. 

I was in the office one day, a lot of years ago, of the chairman of the pediatric department at Stanford when his phone rang. He motioned for me to say seated and answered the call. I watched as his face got redder and redder. When the call ended, he slammed it down and said " I wish I never had to hire another woman resident." The caller was to start her residency in a month but said she was having a baby and would not be able to start for four months. He was wondering who he would be able to find to replace her at such a late date. When I was a Stanford medical student, we would have been told we  could either come by the expected date or not come at all. 

Teens and Toxic Cosmetics

In the last American Academy of Pediatrics newsletter there was an  important article about some of the cosmetics teens use that contain toxic ingredients. The FDA does not test cosmetics before they are put on the market. The article stated that arsenic, cadmium, lead and mercury have been found in cosmetics and these are toxic. The ingredients  have to be listed on a cosmetic label in English. If they are in another language this could be a product sold illegally. 

The other thing the article noted was that sometimes the ingredients might be listed under another name. For example, lead could be sited as "kohl, kajai or surma." Also it was mentioned that talc "is a powdery mineral that forms in the ground near asbestos, which can cause cancer and mesothelioma." Asbestos has been found in eye shadow and powder in a compact. It was advised that teens not share cosmetics with friends and store their makeup in an cool place. Washing their hands before using and after putting on cosmetics is advised  and also washing them off a night. Good advice! 

Concerns about College Medical Care

Now that many students are headed off to college, parents need to be aware that the medical care in many colleges is not adequate. I  have always suggested parents find an outside internist or family medicine doctor who could be called if a child has a medical problem. I did that for my own children and grandchildren and it paid off many times. I have also done that for children I cared for when I was in private practice. The problem with many student health services is that they do not have doctors but use nurse practitioners. These individuals do not have the training to examine and prescribe medicine. Several of the Eastern colleges have had major lawsuits because a student died from the inadequate care they received from nurse practitioners. 

When my grandson started New York University, my son arranged for me to visit to be sure he had enough warm clothes and other things. Alexander took me on a tour of his dorm and the campus and showed me the beautiful library.  It had five balconies around a central courtyard. I was startled when he said that several students had committed suicide by jumping from the top balcony. As the rate of suicides has increased among teens this is a real worry if a student is under great pressure and does not think there is another answer.

Not only is it important to find an outside doctor in the U.S. but I have also done this for my granddaughter who is getting a Master's degree in Switzerland. A good friend in England knew just the right person for Heather to call when a problem developed .You can never be too careful when medical care if needed for a child or anyone else. 

The Deterioration of Hospital Nursing and Medical Care

A good medical friend recently had a 24 hour stay in her local, formerly excellent hospital. She told me what a bad experience it was  compared with her previous 7 day stay after a major operation. The medical care was left largely up to residents and hospitalists who seemed interested just in leaving as quickly as they could. The nursing care, except for three nurses was robotic and truly bad. My friend did not feel any concern or compassion for her. If the nurses did not have a protocol, they  did not seem to  think or  function on their own. My friend said she asked a nurse friend why there was such a difference and the answer was surprising. Apparently about 20 years ago there were so many deaths from medical errors that strict procedures were established. That meant that the nurses could not use their common sense but had to follow a strict protocol. That meant that caring and compassion went out the window. 

My advice to anyone who has to  have a  medical or surgical procedure in a hospital is to  have a family  member or someone who can be an advocate always with you.