As a parent and pediatrician, I believe there are basic things children need and want from their parents. I worry with all the craziness in the world today, parents can get so caught up in just making it from day to day that their children may not be receiving important things. All children need to feel safe, to know they are loved and valued for who they are (not who their parents want them to be.) Yes, they need to be fed and clothed and receive good educations and health care, but above all they have to know they are treasured and even though they may make mistakes that their parents still love them.
I have cared for children of very wealthy parents, children of poor parents, and children with disabilities. I have also cared for children who disappointed their parents and children who had such a severe disability that their parents could hardly be in the same room with them. One mother of a spina bifida child said in the examining room, sitting next to her very sweet, but disabled child "The day she was born was the worst day of my life!"
Because the suicide rate is increasing among children and teens, something is very wrong. Are parents not telling their children how much they love and value them or are they expecting so much of the children, that the kids feel life is not worth living?
Children want and need lots of time with their parents, not just one parent, but both parents. Being a single parent is tough, but in many ways a single parent has an advantage because he or she can parent the way they know is best without any problems with a partner. Family traditions and continuity are both extremely important.
I have cared for children of some wonderful parents and I still hear from many of them. Their children are a true credit to the way they parented. I have long-term follow-ups of children with parents who spent little time with them or pushed them to do things they were not capable of doing. Their lives have been tough and yes, some suicides have happened.
So as parents starting the new year, please think about how you parent and let your children know often how much they mean to you. Happy New Year!
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