Rx For Parenting Today

Tips I Wish All Parents Knew

I loved being in private pediatric practice and still hear from many old  patients and their parents. However, today I think it  would be hard to practice the way I did because times have changed so much. Many parents seem to feel they know  more than their parents or even their doctors. One of the most important thing I wish all parents knew is that time spent with parents is much more important  than material things. The other equally important tip is that time to play and just be a child is of major importance. I remember the father who told me that he and his wife drove 20 miles each day to put their two-year-old in a special program located at San Diego State because they wanted to be sure he was accepted at Harvard. Some children don't want to go to college and should not but would  love to go to art school, trade school or get a job. Every child should be allowed to follow his or her own path or dreams. 

Many children today are scheduled for too many lessons, sports, other activities  and play dates. Every minutes  is accounted for. One teenager told me he hated his private school and he had no time for himself. What he really wanted to do was tinker with an old car. Some parents give their teens a credit card and a car at age 16. Yet most do not have the judgment and maturity to handle this. That is why there is such a high accident rate with teenage drivers. 

Some parents hover other their children so much, the kids have no time to breathe. They check on their school assignments and monitor every move.

Constant praise is the norm for many children. Yes, you note accomplishments but every thing a child does should not require constant praise. There will be  bumpy times ahead when children must be able to handle problems. Bad times come to all of us.  

If the Virus Has Made a Child Fearful of Going Outside

There was an excellent article in the New York Times on 10/22/20 about children who have had to stay inside so much, because of the pandemic, that they become fearful of going out of their house. After reading the article I thought about what I would do if I had a child like that. If the problem was  severe or didn't resolve quickly, I would want to find a good child psychologist. If not, I think parents can do a great deal to change the situation. 

If a child has become addicted to the TV, game boys, or other devices, my first step would be to turn off the TV, get rid of the various devices, and start finding fun things to do around the house. It is a lot easier to just let children watch TV or play with all of their devices, but it can be very unhealthy. Chores would be a good way to start and a chore chart can help kids know what they need to do and what the rewards will be. 

Making cookies, cakes, fudge or other things can be fun and good training. Puzzles can be lots of fun, as can putting on plays, learning music, or doing  artwork. A dress-up box is a good thing to have and I always had one for my children when they were small and then my grandchildren. There are such wonderful inexpensive art materials now that kids are very lucky. Reading to little ones and even older children can be satisfying to all. 

Decorating for various seasons, such as Halloween, can be a family affair and older children can help their fathers (and some mothers) make things in the garage if the parent is  good with tools.

A ride in the car to pick up a sandwich or something else can get a child outside.  A  walk on the beach  or in a park with masks on and social distancing can be a way to get outside. I am sure as parents you can think of many more things but doing things as a  family can be fun and break the in-house cycle.

Halloween Safety Tips During the Pandemic

Life has certainly changed for all of us during this awful pandemic. For children it must be especially hard since school is not open for many and they can not play with their friends.  Now that Halloween is approaching  parents are going to have to be very creative so their children can look forward to some fun.

If you have a group of friends who are careful about masks and social distancing, you could make some calls and work out a plan where the children can go to their friends' houses during the day and by standing at a distance say "hello" with regulation masks on and costumes. Another thought would be to have a costume show on zoom or similar viewing. Halloween masks would not be safe, so I would have them wear anti-viral masks. 

Pumpkins can still be carved and decorations made for your house. Remember that all costumes should be flame retardant. Making cookies and decorating them can be fun. My children and grandchildren enjoyed putting on fashion shows and plays. They would decide the details and have us as adults for the audience. I was always amazed at their creativity. 

For fashion shows the boys can be the commentators and the girls show the clothes. I remember one fashion show where my granddaughter wore my wedding dress and of course some of my shoes. She still loves beautiful clothes!

Wonderful New Books for Creative Small Children

In these days of the corona virus, I am sure parents of small children are having a difficult time trying to keep their children busy, happy, and away from TV.  I was fortunate to just find out about Bobbi Conner's 3 new books for little children. She is well-know as an author of books for older children but now the little ones have their own books.  They were published in August and are Unplugged Play for Toddlers, Unplugged Play for Preschool and Unplugged Play for Grade School. We are lucky that even if bookstores and libraries are closed that we can order books online. Giving a child the change to express their creativity can have a life-long impact. 

Having spent three, long, hard years in cold and snowy Rochester, New York with two small children I wish I had had her books then. It is amazing what children can do with simple things such as toilet paper rolls, play dough, crayons, and similar things to work with. These do not need to be expensive. 

One thing I remember doing is rolling out white shelf paper and then having the  children' either make  banners or lie down on the paper, so we could make  outlines of their bodies. They then could then fill in details with crayons. I was always amazed at their creativity. Expensive toys are not needed, just a parent's interest, help, and praise.

 

 

"Let Children Be Children"

I was looking through some of the articles and sayings I have saved and thought I would share some of the best. With the pandemic that we now have it must be very hard for parents to survive at home with their children, particularly when so many schools are closed. Perhaps this is a time to re-think what we are doing to little children in our schools. Little ones should be allowed to play and have fun rather than being pushed as many five-year-olds have been and are being.  

Peggy Orenstein wrote an article several years ago about a survey she did of kindergartens in her town. She found that in New York and Los Angeles five-year-olds spent" two or three hours a day being instructed and tested in reading and math."  That is just wrong and dangerous for little children. Most children  that age are not mature enough for this. Yes, there  is an occasional child who is reading by age five, but most want to play and have fun. I have saved a great cartoon that shows two little boys with one saying " I'm so overscheduled. If it weren't for timeouts, I'd have no free time at all." No wonder we have so many kids dropping out of school later on, getting into trouble, or hating school. 

If a child has a learning disability that is not being identified and helped, they can become very stressed, especially if they are pushed to read and do math as five-year-olds.  This is particularly true now that special education has been cut back due to no in- school help. 

If parents are insistent that their children must eventually go to Harvard, Yale or other major universities, they often put far too much pressure on the children to learn at an early age and often be tutored in addition. I  have seen great stress in children whose parents had expectations like this. 

 

Teaching Children Morals and Ethics

In these days of outright lies and half truths, it is important that children are taught what is right and what is wrong. I was fortunate to have a father who was very clear about what was wrong and and what was O.K.. In many ways it was hard when I saw other kids' getting by with lies and doing things I knew were  not right. I realize now that I was very fortunate. I took a course a long time ago at UC San Diego taught by a man at the university. I soon quit the class because the man's definition of morality was "What was appropriate at the time!" I could not stomach that and quit the class as did several others. Sometime later he was involved with a group that the government discovered were doing unethical things.  I don't recall the details but at least he was hopefully stopped from spreading his lies anymore.

When children are caught in outright lies or are doing things to siblings or friends that are hurtful, such as bullying, I hope their parents will take action. If this means taking away a privilege or an allowance, it should be something that will make an impact.  If a child is allowed to go on doing things that are not ethical or are lying, at sometime in their life they will probably be caught. This could mean being expelled from school. a class, a job. or a marriage.

I have seen MDs do things that are not only wrong but dangerous for patients. Yes, there are a lot of outstanding, wonderful caring doctors, but I have a lot of concern about some of the  medical students being admitted to medical schools and graduating with an M.D. Many of these new M.Ds have one concern and that is to make a lot of money. I have actually had students tell me that is their main concern. I wish I had been on the committee that admitted them!