Rx For Parenting Today

Why Children Get Upset or Irritable

It must be very hard in these long days of staying inside because of the terrible virus to keep small children and toddlers happy. In my parenting book,  Prescription (Rx)for Parenting, I give lots of examples why children get upset and ways to keep them happy.  One problem, which is easy to solve, is that a hungry child can be an irritable child. Also if a child is allergic and given food or milk that does not agree with him or her, that can be a cause of irritability. A tired child or one in a in a position or situation that is uncomfortable may become irritable or upset. If a  child is overstimulated he or she will let you know by crying or throwing something. A little one who is dressed too warmly,  is cold, or has dirty diapers will also let you know by crying or being upset. 

A reaction to medicine, feeling lonely and needing a hug can be a reason for  crying  and needing attention. It is important that little ones have regular bedtimes, know the rules, and don' t have to try to sleep when there is a noisy radio or TV on in the house or people making a lot of noise.  Some children need a lot quiet and don't react well to loud noises. If parents argue or are in the middle of a divorce, a child may sense something is very wrong and react to it. If  there is  something like  an emotional problem, some medical help may be needed.  A bored child will let you know and some fun games or other activities will be needed. 

Special Thoughts for Parents

I was going through some old parenting information and found one of my favorite pages. It is by Marion Kinneman. I will give just a few of her sayings. The first is "Blessed are the parents who make peace with spilled milk and mud."  Then "Blessed is the parent who engages not in comparison of his (or her) child with others: for precious unto each is the rhythm of his or (her) own growth." Then "Blessed and mature are those parents who without anger can say no, for comforting to the child is the security of firm decisions." "Blessed is the gift of consistency, for it is heart's ease in childhood." Blessed are they who accept the awkwardness of growth."

In this very difficult time when we cannot even have large family Thanksgivings because of the corona virus, it must be  so hard to have children  and teenagers. Being a parent in normal things and doing a good job is not easy  but between the terrible administration we have right now and the virus, my heart goes out to all parents and grandparents. 

I am sure we will all get through this, but how glad I am that my grandchildren are not little ones and are both busy and happy, Yes, they do wear masks and are very careful about social distancing and crowds. I worry when I see groups of teens all together with no masks and older people in groups also without masks. What are they thinking? Their lack of caring for themselves and others appalls me. 

 

Online Learning can Create Long-Term Problems

I agree with Dr. Fauci that we need to get kids back in school as soon as we can be sure they will be safe. A child from an affluent home who has a computer and parents who can help if there is a problem are much better off than those in poor homes with no computer and parents lining up at food banks or trying to get to their jobs. 

Even children from affluent homes are at a disadvantage if all their school work is done on a computer. Several studies have been published showing that  children need to learn cursive or how to write by hand. Writing cursive helps children retain facts better than if they just see them on a computer. One study showed that children "with fine-motor  writing skills early on did better later on". Another study showed that kids retain information much better if they have to take notes or  write down information. I always took a lot of notes when I was in school, college, or medical school. I often just studied the notes when I needed to prepare for a test. I still take notes about things I want to remember and use a computer only for e-mails, book chapters, Google etc.

If I had children at home now I would insist on as little computer time as possible. If a child had to do on-line learning, I would be sure a lot of time was not being spent on social media sites, sexting, and e-mailing friends. Some children are having headaches, eye strain and other medical problems from overusing their computers. 

Teaching your Children to Have Concern for Those Less Fortunate

I feel very fortunate growing up in a small college town where money was not the focus. Instead, education and the work ethic were. Only one of my group of friends had an affluent parent and she was good about not talking about it. (Her father was a realtor and owned orange groves.) She was also the only one given a car as a teenager. Wearing expensive clothes or going shopping for non-essentials was not something we did.  Now it seems to be the norm among many families for their children to be given anything they ask for and having part-time or after school jobs is not usual for many kids. 

I think some of the best lessons I learned about people was waiting table in a small local college inn and one summer in a busy restaurant. I remember buying  my clothes to go to Stanford with the tips I received. I also waited table in my Stanford dorm dining room where many of the girls had never worked and sent their dirty clothes home each week for the maid to wash. That was an eye-opening experience for me.  Both of my children had summer jobs and also received an allowance when they had completed their weekly chores. Now I see kids given gold credit card and cars when they reached the age they can drive. Household chores and summer jobs are also not the norm for many. 

When you have never had to worry about money or had a job, how do you learn  what it means to be poor, homeless, or to work? Now with this terrible pandemic, thousands are hungry and having to go to food banks. The news  shows some people arriving in expensive cars to pick up food.

With the many evictions that are occurring, people losing their jobs, and no help in sight I wonder if some of those accustomed to money will learn anything from this terrible crisis?  This could be a time when many kids will need to learn about a different way to live.

Distant Learning is not Working for Children with Disabilities

With the schools mostly closed and on-line learning in place instead, it takes an unusually  bright, studious student or parents who have time to help with daily assignments. Children with mental health issues or anxiety have a particularly hard time. Those with speech problems need one-to-one help with a speech therapist which is not happening.  Teenagers who do not like school anyway may stop trying to complete assignments. Many students are going to lose a lot of time and be far behind where they should be. If there is a language barrier, a student can have an even harder time and may just give up. 

I am hoping that many schools have hot-lines where special education teachers can respond to questions. I have not seen this happening locally. The PACER organization is doing and has done a remarkable job in helping parents who have a child with a disability. If as a parent you are facing difficulties with your child's  school program I would suggest contacting them. They may be able to help. Their website is PACER.org/stc/consultations/index/asp. 

Problems Feeding Children

I have been told by many medical students and residents that I am the only doctor that have ever heard take a diet history when doing a history and physical on a patient. Because many physicians in HMOs are limited to the amount of time they give a patient that may be understandable. Also I do not remember any discussion of food when I was a medical student. I had to earn about feeding children when I had my two children. 

Now that gluten-free foods are so much in vogue, I think pediatricians, in particular, need to check on what a child is being fed. Sadly, I do not see that happening very often. A gluten-free diet is essential if a child has celiac disease, but this occurs in only about one percent of the population. A gluten-free diet for a child who does not have celiac disease can be harmful because it means the boy or girl will not get adequate protein, but will get an increase in fat and calories. Also a lot of the needed vitamins and minerals will be missed. 

One of the other fads now that some parents are following is giving their children only raw foods. This may include raw or unpasteurized milk, yogurt, or cheese. One two-year-old was given just raw vegetables and didn't chew them well so ended up with a piece of carrot in his lungs. This meant a trip to the hospital for surgery. Other parents follow a fruit diet which  makes no sense either. There are Blogs and support groups that advocate all these poor and unhealthy diets. 

Another consideration for these unusual diets is that children  may not be able to eat school lunches, go to birthday day parties, or other social events. I can see that there could be teasing or bullying for being so different.  Children have  a hard enough time these days just growing up with the pandemic, divorces, and other problems that adding a food problem to their lives makes little sense.