Rx For Parenting Today

When Parents Try to Dictate a Child's Future

I think a good statement for all parents to remember is that a happy child is one whose parents give them "Roots and Wings." If you try to dictate what you want your child to do or be as an adult you may be in for some big surprises. Some teens even run away from home if they know they will never be able to live the life they want. This may be particularly hard for affluent families who have always been involved in law, medicine or other professions. I know of one very successful lawyer father who insisted his son go to law school. The young man did do that, but as soon as his father died he resigned from his father's law firm.  He ended up in real estate, but never made much of a living because what he really wanted to do was teach gymnastics. He had won several awards in this sport as a teenager.  

Another man told me that he and his wife took their three -year-old son several miles each day to a university pre-school. He was intent on the child becoming a doctor or lawyer. When I asked him what if the boy wanted to do something else the father's  answer was  "Well, that is just not possible." I am afraid he was in for some difficult surprises. I don't have any follow-up on the child but I have seen a great deal of unhappiness in families when parent's decide they  have the right to make a plan for a child's future.

My favorite cousin who died many years ago wanted to marry a divorced man. Her father was a minister and said he would not allow that. She spent many years working overseas and then after 12 years went to New York and became a well known children's author. She was a lovely person and I feel sad that she was never able to marry and have children of her own when she obviously cared a great deal for children. 

 

 

Where are the Parents of the Miami Beach Kids?

I watched in horror, as I am sure many others did, at the hoards of college students  on the beaches in Miami. The news  reported these were college students on spring break.

I cannot remember ever doing anything but working during spring break and I also  never traveled home. Where did the kids get the money to go to Miami and party? What kind of parenting did they have that they wore no masks on, there was no social distancing and they did not seem to  have a care in the world? I am assuming they each had credit cards and never listened to world news. What kind of young people are we raising? I know there are some wonderful thoughtful kids in the US but the Miami beach group certainly showed how we are spoiling some of our  kids. Yet some of these are going to be future parents, medical students, law students, legislators and on and on. 

I imagine what a college student who has to work to make ends meet would feel looking at the pictures  they saw on the news. Yes, many of these young people   will be accepted to medical schools, law schools, and  expect their parents to be their personal ATM machines. I imagine people in other countries, who saw these images, did not think too highly of our country during this awful pandemic and the loss of so many people.

 

Teenagers and Suicide during the Pandemic

There was a troubling article about teenagers and suicide in the March 16, 21021 New York Times by Benedict Carey.  The article talked about how so many teens were depressed and even tried suicide because they missed school, their friends, and their normal activities.  Several parents were quoted who said they took their sons to hospital emergency rooms and received no help. This is not surprising because that is not where you would go to get help. What was surprising to me was that there seems to be no interaction with the child's doctor or pediatrician. ER doctors are great for accidents, trauma and similar problems, but mental health and the care of  kids in despair is not something they are trained to handle. 

I cannot imagine any of my parents taking a child to an ER without calling me first. I had a few teen age patients who threatened suicide, but by working with a good psychiatrist and the parents I was able to make a difference. I don't understand why pediatricians or family doctors were not contacted. That makes no sense. 

I made a list of what I would do if I were a parent of a child in despair. The first thing I would do is talk to a good psychologist or psychiatrist. Once contact and an appointment was scheduled I would look at what the child was doing all day and work out a plan with him or her about how to keep the despair at bay. Does the child get an exercise, does he or she have any household chores? What about getting the teen involved in something such as cooking, art, music or if there is  man or father who can help, what about a project such as woodworking, car repair etc? Certainly a good friend could come to your house with a mask on and the teens could throw a ball around, go for a bike ride, or hit some tennis balls.

A statistic was given in the article that ER visits for anxiety and panic were up by 24% in young children and 31% for teens compared with the previous year. 

I believe that a close connection with your family doctor or pediatrician is  essential, not visits to the ER for panic or depression. That is not where you will get the help that is needed in most cases.

Children of Poverty and the Rescue Bill

President Biden's just signed his Rescue bill that will lift one-half million U.S. children out of poverty. For the richest nation in the world, we  have done little before this to help poor, underprivileged children. We have the highest rate of childhood poverty of any industrialized nation. That is disgraceful. The child tax credit enclosed in the bill will help families feed and clothe their children.  I hope it will give these children a chance to strive for a good education and make something of their lives. If a child spends his or her entire life hungry and poor what chance is there of ever having anything more?

Many children who are born into low income families have a disability. I have spent many years caring for disabled  children, as a  pediatrician, and know  of their pain and that of their families. I hope this new bill will help both able and  disabled children.  This pandemic has been particularly hard on poor children and their parents. No Republican voted for the Rescue bill which I find appalling. I wonder if any of these men and women have ever known or worked with poor families or with children who have disabilities?

Feeding Children

The is a hard time to feed children when even going to a store can be risky.  I go at seven a.m. with a mask on and plastic gloves. Most doctors are taught little about diet and nutrition. I don't remember anyone talking about it at Stanford when I was in medical school there and my son agrees that he had no nutrition teaching at Washington University Medical School. 

There is an excellent book by Dr. Henry Legere entitled, Raising Healthy Eaters. He makes some good points and it is easy reading. I particularly like his discussion of vegetarian diets for kids. He notes that this type of diet can cause real problems unless parents understand how little protein such a diet can give a child.

I have great concerns about the advice some doctors are giving parents about feeding even little children  allergen foods, such as peanuts, eggs, fish, citrus, and  chocolate. There was an excellent allergist when I was on the staff at University of Rochester and he cautioned parents about these foods. I had married a man who had strong allergies in his family and was very careful about not  feeding allergenic foods to my two children. It certainly paid off.  Some children are very allergic to cows milk and when mothers can breast feed, that is much safer. Milk between meals for older children will decrease their appetite for regular meals, as will snacks, such graham crackers etc. If a particular food is disliked by a child, he or she could be allergic to it. No child should ever be forced to eat everything on their plate. Also children should not be catered to as to what  foods they will and will not eat. Fast foods and pre-packages foods may not be the best for children, except now and then. We are what we eat is still a wise saying.