I just checked the incidence of divorce in the United States and the rate is one divorce every 13 seconds. If a large number of these individuals had children together, think of what that means. In some cases, the kids may be better off if one of the parents was remote or abusive. They can be better off also if one parent is never home or not really involved with the children.
I had one couple, when I was in pediatric practice, where the mother was a busy professional who rarely saw the children. When I had a question about one of the children, who were always brought to my office by a nanny, I contacted the father. He finally sought full custody and a child psychiatrist testified on his behalf. He was granted full custody by the court. One of the children had a fairly severe reaction to the divorce and many years later at a book party I saw the mother and asked about the two children. " Oh", she said very coolly, " Mary committed suicide!"
My children were ten and twelve when I filed for divorce. Their father was a wonderful surgeon, but was never home. After the divorce when he wanted to see the children, he had to have one of his partners take calls. My son does not remember seeing his father much when he was growing up. He now has two grown children and could not be a better, more connected father. The children know this and realize they are very lucky.
When parents would ask me about getting a divorce, I always stressed how important it was to not say angry things about their husband or wife and try to keep things as pleasant as possible. Children can be hurt deeply by anger between parents and parents who really care about their kids will keep things as pleasant as possible.
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