Rx For Parenting Today

Where are the Parents of the Miami Beach Kids?

I watched in horror, as I am sure many others did, at the hoards of college students  on the beaches in Miami. The news  reported these were college students on spring break.

I cannot remember ever doing anything but working during spring break and I also  never traveled home. Where did the kids get the money to go to Miami and party? What kind of parenting did they have that they wore no masks on, there was no social distancing and they did not seem to  have a care in the world? I am assuming they each had credit cards and never listened to world news. What kind of young people are we raising? I know there are some wonderful thoughtful kids in the US but the Miami beach group certainly showed how we are spoiling some of our  kids. Yet some of these are going to be future parents, medical students, law students, legislators and on and on. 

I imagine what a college student who has to work to make ends meet would feel looking at the pictures  they saw on the news. Yes, many of these young people   will be accepted to medical schools, law schools, and  expect their parents to be their personal ATM machines. I imagine people in other countries, who saw these images, did not think too highly of our country during this awful pandemic and the loss of so many people.

 

Teaching your Children to Have Concern for Those Less Fortunate

I feel very fortunate growing up in a small college town where money was not the focus. Instead, education and the work ethic were. Only one of my group of friends had an affluent parent and she was good about not talking about it. (Her father was a realtor and owned orange groves.) She was also the only one given a car as a teenager. Wearing expensive clothes or going shopping for non-essentials was not something we did.  Now it seems to be the norm among many families for their children to be given anything they ask for and having part-time or after school jobs is not usual for many kids. 

I think some of the best lessons I learned about people was waiting table in a small local college inn and one summer in a busy restaurant. I remember buying  my clothes to go to Stanford with the tips I received. I also waited table in my Stanford dorm dining room where many of the girls had never worked and sent their dirty clothes home each week for the maid to wash. That was an eye-opening experience for me.  Both of my children had summer jobs and also received an allowance when they had completed their weekly chores. Now I see kids given gold credit card and cars when they reached the age they can drive. Household chores and summer jobs are also not the norm for many. 

When you have never had to worry about money or had a job, how do you learn  what it means to be poor, homeless, or to work? Now with this terrible pandemic, thousands are hungry and having to go to food banks. The news  shows some people arriving in expensive cars to pick up food.

With the many evictions that are occurring, people losing their jobs, and no help in sight I wonder if some of those accustomed to money will learn anything from this terrible crisis?  This could be a time when many kids will need to learn about a different way to live.

Air Travel and Medical Problems

Every time I get on an airplane I offer a silent prayer that there will not be a passenger needing a doctor. I have had to help passengers several times on flights and on one trip had to have the plane land in Detroit because there was no medication available I could use to  treat a man  who was having seizures.

On a recent flight to New York City, I ask ask a flight attendant what medications they carried on their flights. The woman kindly gave me a list of things in their medical kit. They did have epinephrine, which can be life-saving, but there was nothing like Valium or anything to treat seizures. I was glad to see they had gloves and both adult and pediatric airways. The attendant said they were required to to a yearly CPR course and had to also be able to use a defibrillator. 

A recent article in the New York Times discussed chronic drug shortages on airlines. It said the the FDA granted airlines exemptions if the airlines said they could not replenish certain drugs. That is ridiculous and of course is because of the cost of epinephrine and other important drugs.  The article stated that "There are no data on how many airplanes may be flying at a given time without drugs." If you are someone who might have medical problems on an airplane or have an allergic child, it would be wise to carry any drugs that might be needed. I would also be very vocal about asking an airlines what drugs would be on a plane if you have a child with medical problems or are traveling with an adult with known problems. Being prepared before you board is wise if any medical problems  could be possible.

Summer Car Safety for Little Children

Now that we are having excessive heat due to climate change, parents need to be more aware of having any little children in  their car.  Far too often we hear of a child's death because he or she was left in a closed car on a hot day. If you ever see a little child alone in a closed car on a hot day, I  hope you will call 911. The parent or  caretaker could be upset with you, but the law will support you and you could save a child's life. 

A former  patient, who had two little children, had to go to court because her five year old said  Daddy often left her and her little brother alone in the car when he ran into get  coffee or do an errand. He now is not allowed to take the two children without another adult  along. So many parents, particularly single presents  have a hard time doing an outside job, getting  groceries, and doing other errands. Without a baby sitter it is always tempting to take the kids along and let them stay in the car while you run errands and grocery shop or go to various stores. 

In a recent Pediatric newsletter, a small box was included that showed the outside temperature and what the inside temperature in a car would become after 60 minutes. For example if it is 84 degrees outside on a sunny day, the temperature in a closed car after 60 minutes can become 125 degrees. No little child will survive that for very long. 

I've often suggested to  parents that many colleges  have employment offices where you can hire a college student for a fairly small amount of money. Some parents find that  having a live-in student often works for them, also. 

Raising Teenagers You Enjoy

I've heard many parents say they can hardly wait until their teenage children go off to college. It always hurts me to hear a parent say that. I think it says a lot about the family dynamics.  Have the parents ever enjoyed their children or are the children just an accessory? Many teens have told me that they are expected to always look put together, excel in  everything they do and be perfect. Is that why the parents had them just to keep up with their friends? 

Kids are so special that no matter who they are they have wonderful traits that can be encouraged and developed. Having fun with your children at all ages is hard when you have to work full-time and have little money. The kids can be taught to help, have chores, be careful about money and play an important part in having a close, loving, warm family. Money often hurts rather than helps. When a child expects their parents to be ATM machines, don't  have chores, or make any contribution to the family, they lose out badly. I greatly missed my children when they went to college and in my book Letters Home, I included some of their special letters. When my son was in Trinity College in England there was both a mail and telephone strike. It was hard for him to get letters and his letters were only received if he had someone mail them in England.  Even though I worked full-time, had weekend and frequent night calls, the children and I had special quality times such as Saturday lunch, ice skating on their half-day off from school and entertaining their friends at our  house. I still hear from several of their friends, who said they enjoyed our house more than than own.

I wish all couples who decide to  have children realize  they are given a wonderful gift and enjoy each child for who  he or she is, not the person the  parents want them to be. 

 

 

Top Silicon Executives and Their Wives are Concerned about iPhones for Children

I saw a small child in a grocery store the other day absorbed with his iPhone. The mother didn't seem to be bothered by his deep concentration with the  iPhone.  If she had read a recent article in the New York Times  by Nellie Bowles, she might have had a second thought.  The author quotes the wife of a Silicon Valley executive who said " If my kids do get it at all (screen time),  they just want it more."  One family only allows  iPhones to be used on long car rides or a plane trip. 

Steve Jobs did not allow his children hardly any screen time. One executive did not allow her children to have cellphones until high school. She limits them at home and and bans  them in the car. It is good to see that these parents are making rules and sticking to them. I'm glad I didn't have to deal with cellphones either with my  children or grandchildren. My grandchildren were not allowed to have them at school and were not too interested in them until they needed them as adults. 

My only concern was for television. My rule was no TV during the week until Friday when the children could chose their favorite dinner and programs. Then we ate together in front of the TV.  I don't think my son even  has a working TV in his house. He and his father never watched sports, although he did play varsity football in high school for a year. I have never enjoyed watching sports on TV and was not raised with a father or brother who watched sports. Books and outside activities were much more interesting. 

Having Fun with Your Children

I see far too many stressed parents these days who don't seem to be enjoying their children or having any fun with them. The parents' focus seems to be getting the children to excel in school, sports and several outside activities. Yes, their children may get into prestigious Eastern colleges, but at what cost?  Will the children remember their childhood as a time of fun or just stress? Will some of these college kids find ways to end their lives by suicide or get into drugs or alcohol? This is happening far too often. I remember the girlfriend of one of my grandson's friends. She was beautiful, smart and wanted to be a doctor.  I was told she  came from a dysfunctional family  and ended her life when she was still in college. What a terrible tragedy and waste. 

Even though I worked full-time, I loved spending time with my two children and their friends. There were always soft drinks and food for them in our refrigerator and over the years we had two different, wonderful housekeepers. One had been a teacher and the other a business owner. Because I was divorced and often at the hospital in the evening, the women took over when I could not be home. I  have special  memories of picking the children  up at noon on Friday, a half school day, and taking them ice skating. At noon on Saturdays, they came by my office and we went to a favorite place for lunch. I didn't  have a lot of money, but we found ways to do things that didn't cost a lot. (Pediatricians are the bottom of  incomes for doctors.) I visited both when they were in college and later we had some special trips. Yes, there were days when I was exhausted, but I feel very fortunate that I was able to enjoy my children and remember many, many good times together. I hope other parents will think about the memories their children will have about childhood and their later lives.

 

Emergencies in Childhood

If you are a well organized parent, I am sure you have thought about what you would do if an emergency occurred with one of your children or a child  at your house.  In many ways it was easier being medically trained as a parent when I had children, but harder because I knew all the problems that could occur. When we were renting a house and finally buying one of our own, I made the decision a pool was an absolute No-No. I love to swim but with both of us working, I would never have been sure the children were safe. One thing I always did when the  kids were small was to walk around the house before I went to bed to check on anything  they could get into and  to be sure all the windows and doors were locked. This is particularity important if you have a child with autism. Trying to escape can be one of their favorite games.

If you are a non-medical parent, taking a CPR course or looking for one on-line could be life-saving. Having the necessary items in your house in case of illness or an injury is important. You need a first-aid kit, a good rectal thermometer and basic information about emergencies, Posting the number of the poison center on your telephone or your refrigerator could save time if a child ingested a poison or took someone's medicine. Eye injuries should be treated immediately.  If a child has a convulsion or seizure,  be sure  he or she won't be able to come in contact with any sharp objects.  

If you need to take a child to an emergency room, remember all hospital emergency rooms don't have the necessary equipment to care for small children. If you are new to an area, I would check with your child's doctor to be sure the nearest hospital does have pedaitric equipment and a pediatric anesthesiologist. I give a long list of pediatric emergencies in my book, Your Personal Parenting Guide. 

More Travel Safety Tips for Parents

If you are planning to stay in motels or hotels on your travels, One problem I learned from experience was to check windows. Children are often eager to see what is outside and may try to climb up to look. Some even major hotel chains are not careful about putting protective screens over windows to be sure a child cannot slip through and fall out. Some serious injuries and even deaths have occurred as children fell from a window high up. I spent several weeks on the phone and writing letters after a wedding in Washington D.C. when I discovered there were no screens on the hotel windows. I finally reached the CEO in Florida who assured me he would take care of the problem. We had the same problem at the University Hospital when the UC San Diego Medical School first opened. Fortunately it didn't take too long for the windows to have screens.  

Another problem is with cribs. Some do not have adequate, stable outside rails, so I would check any hotel or motel crib you use. The mattresses need to be firm with no pillows or soft protective coverings around the bed rails. 

If you have a child with autism,  he or she should wear a Medic Alert bracelet  in case the child slips away. If you are staying with a relative you want to be sure the doors have adequate locks and the windows are shut. Autistic children are very clever about finding ways to get outside and run away. Travel can be lots of fun if  precautions are taken.

Traveling with Children

Now that summer is here, many families are traveling. I've had to travel with tiny babies, toddlers, and older children. Some of the things I've learned have been helpful to many of my parents. If you are flying with a baby or small children you want to be sure they are swallowing from a bottle of milk or water when the plane takes off and lands. Otherwise they may end up with a painful ear. If you are breast feeding that is fine too, as long as the baby is actively sucking.

Little children need lots of things to keep them distracted. A favorite toy is important for a child to have and I would discourage the use of electronic devices for them. It would be good if older children or teenagers could read or play a game rather than spending the entire flight looking at electronic devices.

If you are traveling by car, frequent stops are a good idea. I always had a bag at my feet with surprises and good nibbles. Be careful about hard objects that could cause swallowing problems. I would avoid nuts, cubes of cheese, raw vegetables or anything that could get stuck in a child's throat.

If a child develops medical problems along the way, I would first try to reach the child's pediatrician. Some of the urgent clinics may not be the best and ER's don't usually  have doctors with pediatric training. Playing car games is fun such as looking for license plates of all the states, playing "I spy" and singing. Old fashioned things make the time go more quickly and may leave some nice family memories.